Fight With Your Partner In Healthy Ways! What Therapists Recommend?

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Fighting with partner in a healthy way

Fighting with your partner is not as bad as it is perceived. Although it can be stressful or demoralizing, it may also pave the way for growth and positive change. However, such positivity is possible only if you know how to fight with your partner in a healthy way.

Understand the fact that disagreements are absolutely inevitable. When conflicts take place in between the two, it shows the interdependence at one end but sometimes leaves the relationship on rocks in abandoned form. You have to remember that your partner is much more important than any argument and a healthy communication is the resultant of a happy relationship.

Find out what couple therapists and counselors have to say about the best ways to fight with your partner and resolve the argument stuck between the two.


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Before finding healthy ways to fight, let’s look at the negative methods:

  • Invalidating feelings of your partner (For example: Getting angry over the issue is irrelevant.)
  • Shaming (For example: Oh really, now you will just start crying)
  • Using unpleasant words (For example: Are you an idiot?)
  • Not accepting your own responsibility of actions (For example: It was you who started it. I didn’t do anything.)
  • Bringing old arguments (For example: You did something like this a few years ago and you are always going to do so.)

As you can see that fighting in such a manner can only create problems further in between two and leave some situations in an insolvable mode.

How To Have A Healthy Fight With The Partner?

1. Requests Instead Of Complaints

When you make a complaint to your partner by saying ‘You are always like this’ or blame them, it is no less hurtful to them. Accusations lead to orders and ultimately hampering the personal image of the partner. Instead you can express yourself while requesting them to undertake certain actions. For example, ‘I did not like how you spoke recently. Could you be a little polite and talk about it?’

You would notice that your spouse would not only realize their stand in the moment but also consider the respect you put towards them.

2. Timeout Mode

During a heated discussion, things often go in a wrong direction. If one of the spouses is trying to resolve but the other one is not even listening then it is definitely not the best way to fight with a partner. Both of you can agree on a timeout mode where you can tell each other to take a break for half an hour, ponder upon self-thoughts and get back again for a discussion.

Mindfulness is an important part between two people and taking a mid-fight break to revisit the thoughts is a fair deal.

3. Speak With Empathy

Toxic words could push your relationship at the edge. However, couple therapists suggest that when you understand your partner’s feelings, their position, perspective and respective personality then you are capable of controlling the situation in a better manner. Next time, when he or she begins to fight, make sure that you use empathy to find reasons behind it rather than being defensive.

4. Practice Active Listening

Active listening means to understand every word your spouse is attempting to comprehend and pay a closer attention to the feelings behind it. The conversation could take a better turn if each of your perspectives are heard and taken into consideration. Again, fights shall not be avoided but diverted into a healthy way to argue with your partner so that you can identify the negative thinking and work on the same.

5. No Space For Grudges

Holding grudges is simply going to eat your feelings as well as your spouse’s. If you do not speak up about your problems and sort it sooner or later then it will only pile on for future issues. Better communicate them, forgive each other, pay attention to your emotional value and form a loving bond.

Therapists also recommend that if fights are taking place to end the long term grudges, let them happen. But make sure that you keep empathy alive between the two.

outcomes of online therapy for couples


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Bonus: Keep Fights Out Of Bedroom

When you are finding out how to fight with your partner in a healthy way, remember that arguments are taking place outside your cozy space. The bedroom is one place where your privacy must remain intact and negative energy must not touch. Keeping everyone else in the family also a priority, you can go out for a drive to resolve your arguments.

In case you could see signs which show that couples need counseling, try performing couple exercises at home and afterwards either connect with renowned online services directly or email it to us at info@calmsage.com.

One COMMENT

  1. James

    Your tips are really helpful I will implement them in my life thanks

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