Emotional Support To Someone Who Has Had Miscarriage: Do’s & Don’ts

Supporting someone who had miscarriage

If someone you know, like friend, family member, colleague or even your wife, had a miscarriage then you certainly want to show empathy. We are aware that a huge burden of emotional and physical challenges bother them but the major question is how to support someone after miscarriage?

Although miscarriage is a physical aspect that a woman may unfortunately go through, it spreads strong emotional as well as spiritual effects on the couple and family members experiencing it. We get worried about saying wrong things or think that nothing should be said at all and don’t want to upset them but remember, your love, support and affection can heal the emotional pain.

With this blog, let’s learn a little more about supporting them after miscarriage and understand how to be a strong backup in their emotional trauma.

Someone who went through a miscarriage said, ‘You don’t have to know what to say. We just ask that you be there for us and let us talk about it if we need to. A hug is always welcome.

Another one said, ‘Sometimes all I want is just to have a friend give me a cuddle.’

Common Effects Of Miscarriage

Common Effects Of Miscarriage
Image source: Raconteur

A miscarriage can affect a person or couple in several ways apart from physical effects like:

  • Emotional stress: For the couple, the feeling of loss is real and equal as the dreams they had thought about the child are shattered. There are fears whether they can get pregnant or not, an emptiness resides within and emotional drain is equally added to it. It can discourage the couple as well as push them into a state of depression.
  • Relationship stress: The couples can act differently to miscarriage which can bring rift in between you two. Blames, guilt and grief could escalate the tension despite the fact that the both individuals need support after miscarriage.
  • Spiritual effects: Various questions on the faith and existence of God rise up and can even have long lasting implications on your belief system.

Emotions After A Miscarriage

It is understandable to face floods of emotions that are not easily even washed away. Before you understand how to support someone or wife after miscarriage, find out the range of emotions they may be going through.

  1. Shock & Denial: The feeling ‘this couldn’t have happened to me’ or ‘how can it happen’ may go through in one’s mind due to shock and denial.
  2. Anger & Guilt: A common emotion is blaming oneself for the tragedy thinking that you could have taken care of the baby better. Or blaming God could also be a part of the emotion. One can even become angry to see other pregnant women and generate hatred for them.
  3. Depression: Sadness for a very long time, constant crying and inability to sleep and eat properly can interfere in the regular functioning of the body and may even show signs of depression and irritation.
  4. Acceptance: This stage of acceptance comes in a delayed form but it means that you are accepting things as they are and moving ahead with your business. Remember, this doesn’t mean forgetting what has happened, one is just accepting it the way it is.

What To Say & What Not To Say

If you are someone who is going to step up to support after miscarriage and wondering what to say or what not to say, here are some quotes that may help you.

Things You Can Say:
Things Not To Say
I am so sorry! Don’t worry. You are still young and you can have another baby.
I understand this must be really difficult for you.  It was probably for the best.
It must be awful for you. It wasn’t meant to be.
 I don’t know what to say. You have other children at least.
I am here if you need me anytime.

How Can One Support After Miscarriage?

Now that you have learned the emotions, stress and things that can be said or avoided to begin a conversation, it’s time to look at things that you can do to help and support them.

1. Send Flowers Or A Handwritten Card

Send Flowers Or A Handwritten Card

Worried about what to say or if this is the bad time to call, send them a nice soothing gift to tell them that you are there for them and you are thinking about them. A bunch of flowers, homemade soup or dish or baguette before lunch could show your positive gesture. With that, you can add a handwritten note mentioning that they can call you or meet in-person whenever they are ready.

2. Sit & Listen To Them Patiently

Although we want to help them with encouraging words when someone is in emotional pain, it is needed that you let them speak out their minds. Sometimes they are not looking for any advice about what needs to be done next but just some comforting space to open up and show their emotions.

3. Guide Them To Take Therapy After Miscarriage

If your loved one is struggling to manage their emotions and facing issues to move forward in their lives, request them to see a therapist or go for miscarriage grief counseling. It is because some people cannot seek as much relief in speaking to the family members as they could do so with a professional expert. In fact, you can ask them to talk for free on 7Cups.com where they can read what others are going through in the same situation.

For personal session with the therapist, you can even message us at info@calmsage.com so that we can connect you for therapy after miscarriage.


Supporting your wife or someone you love after miscarriage is a beautiful way to show empathy and understanding that they mean to you. We hope that this blog on emotional support to someone who had miscarriage will help you with a brief guide. With that, Team CalmSage supports your idea of stepping up for your loved ones!

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