Divorcing a Narcissist: 10 Tips From a Therapist

Last Update on April 14, 2023 : Published on April 15, 2023
Divorcing a Narcissist

When one goes through a divorce, it becomes a huge emotional roller coaster making you experience all kinds of intense emotions. Divorcing a narcissist can make that experience even tougher because narcissists always produce an over-dramatic reaction.

When you plan to part ways with your narcissistic partner, the process becomes too overwhelming because you know you won’t have it easy. A narcissistic personality is such that dealing with them in a normal circumstance is only so exhausting, imagine being in an emotional conflict with them.

It’s not like going through a divorce is easy for a narcissist. A divorce can trigger feelings of insecurity, embarrassment, low self-esteem, etc. in a narcissist. Such feelings make narcissists become even more stringent and over-compensating in their relationships.

However, it’s always overwhelming, frustrating, exhausting and so much more when you’re going through a divorce, especially with a narcissist. Today we are going to talk about some therapist-approved ways to deal with divorce with a narcissist.

Let’s get started…

Why is Divorcing A Narcissist Difficult?

Divorcing A Narcissist Difficult

Divorce is not easy for anyone but a personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder can add to the manifold complexities involved in a divorce. Parting ways with a narcissistic partner becomes too difficult because they don’t leave a chance to make them look like a victim.

They make you feel like you’re overreacting and punishing them for being who they are. Narcissists are very good at manipulating you and instilling doubt in you. They use all their tactic to make you feel like you’re making a mistake.

Here are a few things you should expect while going through a divorce with a narcissist;

1. They will indulge in love bombing: narcissists are very clever and they know when and how to manipulate your emotions. While going through a divorce with a narcissist, be ready to face a love-bombing cycle, they will suddenly shower you with an abundance of gifts and attention for some time and ghost you after some time.

2. They will play the victim: they will quickly become the victim in this whole scenario. They will completely ignore their shortcomings and only highlight yours. They will also try to pitch all your friends and family against you.

3. They will try to fool the court: while going through a divorce, a narcissist will try to impress the court with their charismatic personality. They will portray a self-image that has been wronged and is in extreme pain because of their partner. Watch the Depp-Heard trial and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

4. They will become cold towards you: no matter how hurt you are or how mentally exhausted you must be feeling, your narcissistic partner will not even bother to make you feel better. They will completely ignore your feelings and be straight away aloof and cold towards you.

How To Get Through A Divorce With A Narcissist?

how to divorce a narcissist

If you have decided to divorce your narcissistic husband/wife, pat your back because you’ve already won half the battle. Having said that, the journey ahead is not going to be easy but you’ve already come halfway through so sit tight.

You are going to experience a lot more challenges emotionally, financially, physically, and socially. The first thing you need to do while going through a divorce with a narcissist is to be ready and prepared for a huge mountain of challenges.

Here are a few therapists approved tips on how to deal with divorcing a narcissist;

1. Be organized:

a narcissist will always try to sabotage your plans so make sure you keep all your things organized so that you know when your partner is trying to meddle with your things. Always keep all evidence organized and away from your narcissistic partner’s reach.

2. Keep a copy of everything:

as we just discussed, they will do something or the other to sabotage you so make sure you keep a duplicate copy of all your evidence and proofs. It is important to be prepared for below-the-belt attacks from your partner.

3. Keep your calm:

there are going to be times when your narcissistic partner will play dirty and indulge in victim blaming. Make sure you keep some calming and self-soothing tricks handy because staying calm is very, very important.

4. Have a strong support system:

while going through a divorce with a narcissistic partner you should be ready to face all sorts of allegations, true or false. In those challenging times having a strong support system can help you see through the clouds and believe in yourself.

5. Do not badmouth your partner:

even though it might tempt you to tell the whole world how wicked of a person your narcissistic person is, this is not the right time to do so. You already are in an emotionally vulnerable position, badmouthing your partner will only make things worse.

5. Set boundaries:

divorcing a narcissist will take a toll on your mental health therefore it is important for you to set some boundaries. Make sure your lawyer and your loved ones know what triggers you so that you set a limit on how much exposure you need for yourself.

6. Be honest with your lawyer:

no one is perfect, so it is important to be honest with yourself and your friends and family. I say so because your narcissistic partner is going to highlight all the places you’ve been wrong. If you accept your faults and mistakes, it becomes easy to defend against accusations.

7. Keep a safe distance from your narcissistic partner:

going through a divorce can trigger the worst side of your narcissistic partner, therefore it is only better to be as far as possible from them. They will try to emotionally exploit you, a safe distance will stop them from causing you any emotional or mental harm.

8. Indulge in self-care:

going through a divorce with a narcissist can be very challenging and mentally exhausting. In such times you need to take care of yourself and your mental peace. Indulge in some self-care practices so that you get time to relax and distress.

9. Allow your children to share their feelings:

children are the ones who get equally affected by a divorce. It is important to understand how your children are feeling. They need to express their feelings so that they can process the whole situation properly.

That’s All Folks!

I hope you found this blog about divorcing a narcissistic person helpful, interesting, and informative. Do share this blog with your friends and family so that we all know what to do in such situations and not succumb to the pressure.

Thanks for reading.

Take care and stay safe.

About The Author

Kirti Bhati
Kirti Bhati

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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