Signs You’re A Competitive Mom And How To Deal With It

Last Update on December 4, 2023 : Published on December 4, 2023
Signs you're a Competitive Mom

As a mom or a parent, we all want our children to grow, learn, and behave accordingly. That’s not a bad thing, taking care of our children, becoming their guides, and watching them grow positively is all we need when it comes to parenting!

However, do you know sometimes unknowingly we step on the negative side of parenting? Can you answer when? Well, it’s quite easy to guess, sometimes, we become competitive and start comparing our children with our children.

It’s a fact that all humans are different, they have different personalities, they understand things at a different pace, and they have their own way of reflecting…so are children!

Then, how can we expect our children to be their best version every time? Another point-check is that competitiveness is not only bad, it can be good too, it depends on which you’re leading on.

A little bit of competitiveness with healthy learning can be good while pressured competitiveness can be bad for your child and you as well. Excessive competitiveness can hinder children’s individuality, and put them under pressure, stress, or anxiety.

Consecutively, it strains the parent-child bond which might result in emotional instability, if not handled before time. In this blog, let us discover the signs of competitive moms and how to overcome excessive competitiveness. So, let’s get started!

10 Signs You Are A Competitive Mom

1. You want your child to excel in every field.

Well, it’s not a bad thing, but if it’s excessive, it can put you and your children on the negative side of mental health. Apart from primary caregivers, we are mentors of our children and it’s our duty to show them the right path, however, expecting our children to excel in every field is quite an impractical anticipation because children have their own learning tendencies and most importantly, they have their own interests.

Note that excessive competitiveness can have negative long-term effects on the mental health of children, therefore, let’s see what we can do instead.

What to do:

Instead of expecting them to excel in every field, we can ask our children to explore their interests and work together as a team to see them excel in the field they are interested in without putting them under stress or anxiety.

2. You are a constant validation seeker.

As a mom or parent, when we start seeking validation from others constantly, we somehow lose our self-worth and it can have negative impacts on both (parents and children).

Validation seeking is one of the major signs you’re a competitive mom and it can be easily recognized when you boast about your child’s achievement and seek admiration from others. Such an excessive obsession can put pressure on the children and if not handled on time, it might lead to unhealthy patterns of studying, sleeping, or eating.

What to do:

Ever ask yourself, why do you want constant admiration or recognition from others, when you know that your child is already doing well? Why is there a need to put extra pressure on children when they’re learning and growing every day?

Instead of seeking validation from others, be proud of your children and let them make their own name with their efforts. Make, “Be a mom and be a guide” your mantra for parenting your children positively.

3. You compare your child with others.

As a mom, we sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, compare our children with other children. And sometimes, the comparison becomes so excessive and obsessive that we go beyond and above comparison.

We start measuring success in the terms of marks and medals. Do you know that such behavior can put a lot of pressure on the children as they constantly remind themselves of over-performing?

Meanwhile, in the race, they lose their own self-worth and identity. Comparison is a big no when it comes to parenting.

What to do:

Instead of comparing grades, compare manners, compare the healthy traits the children have, and make them learn positively. Avoid excessive comparison and be gentle while teaching your children because harsh statements might put children’s mental health at stake.

4. Sometimes, you feel like you are in a competition.

When you start being overly competitive with your children in order to make them the best, you unknowingly throw yourself into a competition and everything becomes a competition for you.

You start comparing yourself with other parents and trust me, the process of being in a competition with other parents might look healthy but it can be very toxic at a different level.

This way, you’re not only putting pressure and exertion on children but yourself as well, and slowly each member of the family starts running this never-ending race. Consecutively, such actions result in negative mental health.

What to do:

Again, being in a competition is not a bad thing, but being in a competition healthily and positively is an important thing.

Sometimes, in order to make our children positive and healthy versions of themselves, we have to work on our habits too because children reflect what they see, and reflecting on an overly competitive mother can be toxic for all family members. 

5. Only your children’s achievements can fix you.

Now, that’s an important sign I want to address because I have seen a lot of mothers comparing every footprint with other moms and children. When competitive mothers see their children excelling or standing through their expectations, they become happy.

It really does not matter if it’s academic, sports, or extracurricular, “standing out in their social group” becomes everything for them. consecutively, this suppresses children’s emotions and they get stuck with burnout.

What to do:

It’s true that when our children succeed or excel in a field, it makes us happy. But again, why solely depend on our child’s achievements to be happy? Why don’t we join as a team with our children and stand with them during failures as well?

Build a team together and share failures and successes together, this way you’ll be creating secure and emotionally stable attachment with your children.

6. You feel envy of others’ achievements.

Envy in any form is not acceptable. As competitive mom, we often find it challenging to put a simple smile on other’s achievements. It’s okay to feel guilty or angry about your children’s failure but it’s not okay to feel envy of other children or parents.

Feeling envy of others’ success instead of offering congratulations can be a very toxic sign of an over-competitive mother.

What to do:

Instead of being jealous of others or rolling into anger, it’s better to prepare your children for the future. Additionally, always make them learn through their mistakes and never leave them alone because they couldn’t achieve something you’ve wished for together.

Be a team, learn together, prepare together, and when you win slay together!

7. You love showing off your children’s skills.

Letting others know of your child’s skills is a healthy skill, why not, you’re proud of them and it’s okay to let others know. Now there’s a difference between letting others know and showing off, these two things come along with different expressions.

Now, you might have understood how toxic it looks when you show off your children’s skills. Additionally, during this show-off, the creativity and self-worth your child holds reduces and the constant pressure of winning can result in long-term emotional problems that might affect your child’s adulthood.

Most importantly, overly competitive ruins the children-parent relationship as competition is only about winning. And, trust me you don’t want to see your child growing tired or distant from you.

What to do:

In order to overcome or deal with showing off, comparison, or competitiveness, you can always take the help of positive parenting such as dolphin parenting that helps you and your children grow in a secure, safe, and healthy environment.

Additionally, positive parenting techniques also establish peace and happiness during such challenging phases.

8. You are a secret keeper.

It’s a fact that overly competitive mothers are secret keepers, they don’t want to reveal their next step, dress, or planning for the competition. They don’t want other moms or children to steal the limelight of their children.

In order to avoid duplicity, you might want to know how other children are doing but you don’t want to reveal your steps.

What to do:

Clearly, life is not a competition, and let’s just stop making everything a competition. The main purpose is to make your child understand, learn, and grow so that they can prepare for the future.

Therefore, invest more in their future, mental health, and sanity over small scholar competition which might put extra pressure on them.

I hope this blog helps you understand the signs of a competitive mom and how to deal with it. Comment down and share your views on the same. For more such content, connect with us through all social media platforms.

Thanks for reading!

About The Author

Ayush Yadav
Ayush Yadav

Aayush is a writer, and storyteller who is passionate about using words to help drive positive change and make people aware about the history. He holds a bachelor's in law, lives in the princely state Jaipur and is passionate about helping people in anyway possible. In his spare time, he is usually out with friends and enjoys exploring different facets of life.

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