Parallel Parenting: Creating The Right Plan For Raising Your Children After Divorce!
Some situations or consequences rip apart the marriage, but one thing that stays connected throughout life is children. When children are involved in the marriage, you cannot just simply part ways, you have to mutually determine what works for you all. Along with this, you also have to put in efforts mutually to protect the mental health of kids throughout the process.
Parallel parenting is a positive parenting model developed for divorced or separated couples who find to get along but wish to be involved in parenting their children.
In this blog, let us find out what parallel parenting is and how to create a parallel parenting plan for raising your children the right way!
Introduction to Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting is all about spending time and taking care of your children independently. This model is for separated or divorced parents to minimize communication and divide responsibilities so that both parents can attempt to protect and raise their children positively.
The best part about parallel parenting is the child gets the opportunity to spend time with both parents with fewer chances of domestic conflict. The parents need to collaborate together to divide responsibilities. This ensures limited communication between the parents; contact can only be limited to discussing education, career, safety, health, and other needs.
The communication between the parents is short and to the point to avoid conflicts and digging over the past. Since communication is necessary for parenting, all decisions can be documented through texts, apps, or emails.
If you’re going through a divorce, you might be thinking…
- Do we need parallel parenting?
- When to choose parallel parenting?
Well, it’s completely your choice, but as a Mental Health Enthusiast, I can suggest…
Choosing parallel parenting totally depends on your relationship. Generally, parallel parenting is suggested for high-conflict divorce. History of violence (emotional or physical) or dealing with a narcissistic parent are one of the best examples where parallel parenting can be suggested.
Working of Parallel Parenting
According to research, it is an arrangement to raise the child together with less or limited communication, each parent gets custody or charge of the children according to their needs. In case of abuse, violence, or narcissism the custody goes to the non-abusive parent. This process depends on the nature and severity of the abuse. If the case goes severe, the non-abusive parent gets the sole custody, in such situations, parallel parenting is not advised.
The basic working of parallel work goes around limited communication. There are no joint celebrations, joint school meetings, joint parties, or doctor appointments. The things have to go parallel, and most importantly the other parent does not have a say on how the other partner manages the responsibilities as long the well-being of the children is protected.
Difference between Parallel Parenting & Co-Parenting
There are huge differences between parallel parenting and co-parenting, such as:
|Model adopted after high-conflicted divorce||Model adopted after agreeable divorce|
|Focuses on parenting independently||Focuses on parenting together|
|Limited communication||Communicating regularly|
|No collaboration, both parents fulfill the needs individually||Fulfill the needs of children equally|
|Responsibilities are divided based on abuse, narcissism, or violence||Responsibilities are taken mutually|
Advantages & Disadvantages of Parallel Parenting
|Benefits of Parallel Parenting||Disadvantages of Parallel Parenting|
|Reduced conflicts||Parents lose the right to question their partner’s parenting responsibility|
|Helps maintain a strong relationship with children||Not appropriate for parents living in a different city|
|Allows both partners to parent equally||Parents don’t have the right to make decisions together|
|Financial needs are fulfilled||Parents often face difficulty creating the right plan|
|Provides mental stability to children and parents||Sometimes, children can feel being pulled in two different directions|
Creating the Right Parallel Parenting Plan for You
Generally, a lawyer or child custody member suggests different parenting plans and they also help you create the right one. If parallel parenting is court-ordered or suggested by a lawyer, parents lose the right to co-parent together.
Parallel parenting is created after observing the following factors:
- Schedule of both parents
- Custodial exchanges
- Vacation and holiday schedules
- Decision-making in terms of schooling, medical situations, and other important factors
- Communication rules
- Boundary settings
- Presence of abuse or narcissism (severity, types, and other factors)
If you’re asked to create a plan or suggest a plan, you can take the reference of the above-mentioned factors to build an effective parallel parenting plan. Always remember that parallel parenting rules should be detailed and specific in terms of:
- Parenting time
- Specific exchange time
- Transportation modes
- Cancellation or make-up times
- Decision power
How to create a parallel parenting plan:
Step 1: Start preparing a plan by determining how you wish to split up the timings & days with the kids. Herein, you can also work on splitting vacations, holidays, birthdays, and other important days.
Step 2: To avoid confusion and disagreements in the future, mention specific start time and end time in front of the plan so that each partner can follow it religiously.
Step 3: Along with time and days, also mention the pick-up and drop-off locations so that commuting between the partners can be easy and equal for all. Also, mention the transportation type for safety purposes.
Step 4: In cases of cancellations or post-pones, discuss how you wish to handle cancellations mutually. Additionally, also mentions the terms and conditions for sudden plans.
Step 5: To keep disputes at a minimum level, ask the court to appoint a mediator so that they can work together in cases of conflict.
Key Takeaway: Making Parallel Parenting Successful for You
If you wish to succeed in parallel parenting, try the below-mentioned tips:
- Keep the communication as limited as possible, call only in emergencies.
- In case of abuse or narcissism, document everything.
- Whenever you communicate, make your points visible, so that the needs of children can be fulfilled
- Avoid doing things together
- In case of conflicts, connect with your lawyer or coordinator
I hope this blog helps you understand what parallel parenting is and how to create a successful parallel parenting plan for you. Comment down and share your views on the same. For more such content, connect with us on all social media platforms.
Thanks for reading!