Are You Unknowingly Gaslighting Your Partner? Signs Of Unintentional Gaslighting

Last Update on January 23, 2023 : Published on January 23, 2023
Are You Unknowingly Gaslighting Your Partner

I am sure you’re aware of what gaslighting is. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that consists of making an individual feel like something is wrong with them or that they are at fault. It involves manipulating someone into believing things that aren’t really true.

Gaslighting is usually associated with sociopaths or narcissistic people. This is so because they have these tendencies of manipulating their partner and behaving like a victim when they are the ones gaslighting their partners.

However, unintentional gaslighting is not different from the typical gaslighting behavior we often talk about. The only difference here is the intention, in unintentional gaslighting, you are not aware of your gaslighting behavior and do not even intend to gaslight your partner.

If you think your relationship is not working even after putting in all your energy and effort, there are chances that you might be unintentionally gaslighting your partner. But the question here is how will one know they are unintentionally gaslighting their partner?

Here’s how…

Signs Of Unintentional Gaslighting

Gaslighting

Gaslighting, be it unintentional or not, does take a toll on your partner’s mental health. Irrespective of your intentions it is a form of abuse that no one deserves to face. It’s time you realize the presence of unintentional gaslighting and STOP it right away. Because it is hurting your partner and your relationship more than you can imagine.

Let’s look at some signs of unintentional gaslighting so that identifying gaslighting becomes easy. It will not only save your relationship but also help you improve as a person.

1.You believe your partner is wrong when they have a different opinion

It is very easy to dismiss something that you don’t believe in or resonate with. However, it is important to broaden your spectrum and understand that people can have opinions different from you. Now having a different opinion than yours doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In such a situation, you should either learn to understand your partner’s point of view or settle on agreeing to disagree.

Also read: Gaslighting Parents: Signs, Effects, And How To Deal With Them

2.Not respecting your partner’s sensitivity

Does your partner cry too easily or become too aggressive or emotional easily? Do you accuse them of being too sensitive? If yes, that’s unintentional gaslighting. Your partner isn’t afraid of showing their vulnerability in front of you, don’t ridicule them or gaslight them by calling them too sensitive. By doing this you’re disrespecting their feelings.

3.Refuse to admit your mistakes

The fact that you are unable to accept your mistakes can make your partner feel gaslighted. Why you do it can have several reasons behind it. It can be a personality trait or you’re infected by insecurities, etc. When you refuse to admit your mistakes you’re dismissing the correctness of your partner. This can make them feel even worse about themselves and can make way for self-doubt.

4.You engage in toxic positivity

Constantly telling your partner that everything is fine or looking for the silver lining can make them feel irritated and frustrated. Although being positive is important only to an extent. Your partner looks for truth and practicality from you and if you keep promising a rainbow in days of storm, it is like accusing them of having a reaction that is out of proportion.

Also read: How To Recognize Narcissistic Gaslighting? Examples And What To Do About It

5.Using a lot of “absolutes” in your conversations with your partner

Have you been using a lot of “always” or “never” while expressing your thoughts and feelings to your partner? Well, it is unintentional gaslighting! When you’re so absolute in your thoughts about them, it makes your partner feel like they are not good enough. By using “absolutes” in your conversations you’re dismissing all the efforts your partner has ever made.

6.Giving your pain more importance

Sometimes we forget that our partner is hurting too. We are so focused on what was said or done to us that we completely forget that our actions and words have caused equal harm. If you have a tendency to only think of how hurt you are and dismiss your partner’s pain, you are unintentionally gaslighting them.

If you think you engage in such behaviors or some of these signs are present in your personality, you need to make some changes soon. These are the common signs of unintentional gaslighting however one can indulge in it through some other behaviors as well.

Any behavior that makes your partner feel incompetent or that you are the victim in this relationship can act as gaslighting behavior. Be aware of your actions and make sure your partner is not receiving confusing signals.

That’s All Folks!

I hope you find this blog about unintentional gaslighting helpful, informative, and thought-provoking. Do share this blog with your friends and family because unintentional gaslighting has the potential to ruin relationships.

Thanks for reading.

Take care and stay safe.

About The Author

Kirti Bhati

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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