Sapiosexuality – What Is It, Characteristics, Signs, And Impact On Relationship

Last Update on February 20, 2024 : Published on August 4, 2023
Sapiosexuality traits

Does enjoying a heated discussion, a stimulating lecture, or a long intellectual conversation make you think maybe you are Sapiosexual?

You might be mistaken if that is the only parameter on which you define sapiosexuality. Humans are often attracted to intelligent individuals. A study conducted in 2011 confirms the same, as it has been discovered that intelligence was among the top three traits people look for when searching for a mate. Although the type of intellect that might attract may vary from person to person, intelligence is always appreciated.

However, for some individuals, finding an intelligent or inquisitive partner is not solely about emotional and intellectual satisfaction. Those who consider themselves Sapiosexual look for intelligence in others to feel sexual excitement. For them, a person’s intelligence matters more than physical appearance.

To feel romantically attracted, they must feel intellectually engaged, often the first attribute a person recognizes in a potential partner. But how can one define their sexuality based on this, as it is something common and everyone wants their partner to be smart and intellectual?

This is what we are going to discuss in this post. The article explains Sapiosexuality, its signs, and how it affects relationships.

List of Contents

What is Sapiosexuality?

The word sapiosexual is derived from the Latin term ‘sapien’, which means wise, and ‘sexualis’, which means sexual. Although “Sapiosexual” is a relatively new term, its first documented use was in 2004.

Still, some studies suggest 1% and 8% of young adults between 18 and 35 are considered Sapiosexuals.

Anyone can be considered sapiosexual, including both heterosexuals and people with LGBTQIA+. This implies that individuals considered Sapiosexual may be straight, homosexual, asexual, or another type of identification.

In short, Sapiosexuality is the love of intelligence independent of gender and can coexist with other romantic orientations and gender preferences.

Signs You or Someone You Know Might Be a Sapiosexual

Intellectual and intelligent people always gain attention. But when it comes to choosing a date, what would you choose if you had to choose between a good-looking person with an average IQ and an average-looking person with a high IQ?

You can stop reading this post if you are among the 80% who will choose the former. However, if you are someone who will choose the latter or you know someone who will do the same, keep reading.

These days saying you’re sapiosexual, means your intellect sexually arouses you has become common. However, if you are just saying to look cool but don’t know the signs of a Sapiosexual person, let’s discuss some common characteristics of Sapiosexuality.

If you concur with the majority of the following statements, there is a possibility you or your partner is a Sapiosexual.

  1. Your intellectual arguments or disagreements are sexual.
  2. You may be Sapiosexual if you want to participate in a complex, exciting discussion. This often indicates you want to associate with others who can communicate clearly and understand your thoughts.
  3. Bookstore sessions, documentaries, or museums are all ideas for great dates.
  4. Physical foreplay doesn’t inspire you to become excited, but deep, investigative discussion inspires you.
  5. You dislike potential partners who aren’t intellectually exciting despite being physically attractive; others pay attention to them.
  6. You enjoy being challenged with your positions.
  7. You like to learn how to be more emotionally intelligent.
  8. For you, intelligence is sexier. If you’re more intrigued by the beliefs of a person’s morality, values, and interests, you may be Sapiosexual.
  9. If you favor quiet dates without distractions or disruptions, you may be interested in a passionate discussion with a potential partner. This is possible; you may be Sapiosexual.
  10. Semantics matter to you. If you identify yourself as a sapiosexual, chances are you are a grammar nazi and would want your partner to use There, Their correctly, and They’re. You would also want the other person to pronounce things correctly.
  11. You will take the time to fact-check social media posts and leave long-form comments.
  12. Knowledge arouses you. If your partner talks about topics like quantum physics and their passion for intellectual inquiry is heightened, it will trigger you, and you will be sexually attracted to them.
  13. You like to learn about culture instead of partying and drinking. When you travel with your partner, you’ll probably visit an area with museums, historic sites, and places of religious significance. While everybody would attempt to find ways to wear dresses or go to a beach, you are probably attempting to go for a heritage walk.
  14. You don’t have patience for foolish things. This doesn’t mean that Sapiosexuals are bloodthirsty. It only means they have difficulty recognizing humor that is bothersome or offensive to politics. This also means that abbreviations are a turn-off for you.
  15. You play to win. Suppose you’re asked to plan a celebration, give gifts, or assist with a miniature model of a digestive system. In that case, you’re probably going to devote yourself to it, even if it means coloring decorated streets or using real acid to demonstrate the functioning of a stomach.
  16. You like long-term relationships. Since it’s the intellect that gains the attention of a sapiosexual, you will be typically less inclined to concentrate on a causal relationship. As time passes, your bond will strengthen, and you are less likely to separate from your partner.
  17. The professional or academic success of your partner is very important to you. Sapiosexuals are particularly concerned with academic or professional excellence both in their own lives and their expectations of their partners.

signs of Sapiosexuality

Characteristics of Sapiosexuality

For sapiosexuals, primarily how others perceive them and whether the person is intellectual or not is a significant attribute. Alongside there are other characteristics too. Here we list them:

1. It is the brain that gains attention.

When looking for a partner the focus of sapiosexual people is on intelligence and how the mind of another person feels. Unless their mind is stimulated by the potential partner they do not get attracted romantically. For them without intelligence there is no sexual passion, addiction, or lust.

2. Sapiosexuality is not gender restricted

Specific gender rules do not work for sapiosexuals. Anyone can be sapiosexual and can appreciate men, women, trans individuals, bisexuals, or any other gender or sexuality. You can be interested in anyone you want. They have a passion for and concentrate on the individual’s brain over the external appearance.

3. The sexuality of an individual is not of priority.

When sapiosexuals seek a romantic relationship, they prioritize intelligence over appearance. This implies that physical characteristics, attributes, or features are subordinate to thoughts, thinking, and intellect.

As intelligence takes the front seat, looks do not gain attention. Spiosexuals get attracted not because a person is good looking.

Are Sapiosexual and Demisexual the same or different?

Sapiosexuality is linked with the pursuit of knowledge. At the same time, demisexuality looks for an emotional connection to create a romantic or sexual bond.

A person considered sapiosexual may be drawn to another person immediately if they feel intellectually stimulated by the other person’s thoughts, ideas, or conversation. A person who is demisexual, however, must first become familiar with the individual and develop an emotional bond before they become romantically interested.

Tips to date a Sapiosexual

  • Express your interest in their interests.
  • Create a plan with a library or book club.
  • Plan outings that will allow you to explore a new culture or concept together.
  • Ask them about their favorite book and why.
  • Discuss with them their occupation.
  • Practicing a new hobby together.
  • Discuss what you enjoy with them.

Where can you meet Sapiosexuals?

 Identifying sexuality is easier than finding people with similar interests. At bars, lounges, parties or clubs you can find singles but there is no surety that you will find someone that shares the same passion If you are looking for someone with who you can have an in-depth conversation, knowledge, and learning, you can find them at:

1. The Library

If I would ask you where I can find intellectual people, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? I know its library. Certainly it is the place where you can meet intellectually stimulating people. In a library you can pick a book, discuss it, have some mind blowing conversation without even having to spend a penny!

2. Over the internet

Technology has advanced leaps and bounds. If you don’t know where to find people who might share similar interests then go online. You can check dating sites as there people mention their interests. Also, you can join a club or place that invites people with creativity and intelligence. Can join groups, check forums and explore different options. It is a pool with infinite possibilities.

3. Know people or friends

You might wonder how a traditional way like this can help, right? Well for sure it works as your friends know more about intellectual people more than anyone else. You can talk to them and let them know what kind of a person you are looking for, then they can tell you how you can find a perfect match for you.

You never know if your friend knows someone who is a perfect match for you. So don’t neglect your friend; having her support you in your love life might be a good idea.

4. Favorite eating joint

Do you love spending time with yourself? If not, take yourself out on a date. It can be the place where you can find like minded people. Be confident and just be yourself, you will automatically attract your match.

When you go alone, finding another person who is like you increases. You never know when someone might click you, sit down with the person, try to know them and see how things turn around.

5. Do what you like best.

Making friends while doing what you love is another way to find a partner. A place where you are yourself will always help attract the right person. A place with free flow of dopamine is the best place to meet your match.

People who consider themselves sapiosexual often like to be left alone. To pamper themselves they usually go to spas, salons, yoga studios and places where they feel good. If you are looking for a partner, go to such places.

How does Sapiosexuality affect Relationships?

If you, your partner(s), or both are considered to be Sapiosexual, here are certain things that you will notice:

1. The way you communicate may vary:

As intelligence is the basis for attraction, engaging in activities then stimulates your brain and challenges you will be an important part of your relationship.

2. It could be stressful for your partner:

Studies have found that intellectually sexual people pay attention to those who have an above-average IQs putting pressure on the other person to always be competitive.

3. The way you and your partner arouse each other varies:

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to turning on a sapiosexual. Therefore, the first step is to communicate what works for both of you and what doesn’t.

The foreplay will look a little different. For others, foreplay might mean dirty words, nude photos, or physical contact, but for sapiosexuals, the best foreplay can be intense, provocative conversations or debates.

Try reading an intellectually stimulating book aloud, or discuss intellectual structures with your intellectual partner.

If you’re not intellectually sexual, try to find a book or topic interesting to both—your partner intellectually and yourself sexually. Maybe you could talk about the origins of eroticism.

4. The relationship may develop slowly:

For someone who just needs physical attraction, a quick turn to the topic of sex can work well. But it usually takes longer to get to know someone on an intellectual level, and sexual arousal may be delayed until you fully bond.

Try to show genuine curiosity about their interests by asking questions and listening carefully. Just because someone is intellectual doesn’t mean they enjoy every intellectual activity. Maybe you or your partner hates science fiction but got excited by visiting a museum.

Share your passions, too. Many sapiosexuals crave mutual intellectual stimulation, such as conversation or respectful debate.

Is Sapiosexuality an Actual Sexual Orientation?

Although discussions about sapiosexuality being a sexual identity are going on, some people still do not consider sapiosexuality to be an actual sexual orientation. Some queer people believe that sapiosexuals should not be included in the LGBTQ+ group because they have a different relationship to their gender preferences than identities like pansexuality, heterosexuality, etc.

However, some sex experts believe sexuality based on intelligence is a valid orientation and should be treated as such.

Sapiosexuality may be more similar to demisexuality, which describes feeling sexually attracted only after an emotional connection. However, demisexuality is considered part of the asexual spectrum, while sapiosexuality in itself is considered a separate micro-label.

Let’s recap

The word “sapiosexual” is a new addition to the larger sexual category of terms, but it doesn’t mean it’s a new concept. OkCupid’s online dating website added the word “sapiosexual” in 2014 as a possible sexual description.

If you or your partner occupy a position on the sexual spectrum of Sapiosexuality, you’re not alone. Remember that although an identity is unknown, it still has legitimate importance.

About The Author

Ayush Yadav
Ayush Yadav

Aayush is a writer, and storyteller who is passionate about using words to help drive positive change and make people aware about the history. He holds a bachelor's in law, lives in the princely state Jaipur and is passionate about helping people in anyway possible. In his spare time, he is usually out with friends and enjoys exploring different facets of life.

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