What Is No Control Rule, And Why Is It Important After A Breakup

Last Update on November 9, 2023 : Published on November 12, 2023
What is no control rule

Whether a long-term relationship or a fling, going through a breakup after being in contact with someone and sharing feelings can be emotionally challenging. The sadness, feeling of guilt, shame, and the roller coaster of conflicting emotions and uncertainties about how to move forward often gets overwhelming.

If you, too, are confused and just want to move on, one strategy that proves beneficial in this situation is the “No Contact Rule.” At first, following it might feel difficult because you need to cut off all the ties, but the truth is that if you want to move on, heal mentally and emotionally, and start living your life, this is the best route you can take. The rule needs to be followed for a minimum of 60 days

What is the No Contact Rule?

As the name explains, the No Contact Rule is refraining from communicating with your ex-partner after the breakup. It is a conscious effort to stop yourself from contacting your ex. You cannot call, text, interact over social media, or know about them through mutual friends. The explanation might not be something you would want to follow because you are hoping to revive the relationship.

However, you must follow the no-contact rule to heal from a breakup, stop thinking about the person, or overcome the hurt, emptiness, and sadness.

Benefits of No Contact Rule

1. You will heal from the emotional hurt:

Breakups take time to heal. They leave an emotional scar and drain you mentally and emotionally. This is why you are often tempted to contact your ex, talk to them, or know what they are doing.

But if you want to heal, you shouldn’t go back to them as talking to an ex-lover often makes you revisit the painful emotion, and the hurt you feel gets intense.

In such cases, when you follow the no-contact rule, you can give yourself time and space to heal and regain emotional stability to begin the healing journey.

2. You will get better clarity of things:

When you maintain a distance from your ex, you get clarity and can think about how the relationship was. Also, you can understand the relationship dynamics you shared, allowing you to analyze the situation objectively, free from the immediate emotional intensity of the breakup. This helps make well-informed decisions, and you can decide about your future without remorse.

3. You can say goodbye to codependency:

Staying in touch with the ex can make you codependent and might confuse you, thus undermining the sense of self-worth, and you might give the relationship more value than yourself.

The no-contact rule makes you independent and self-reliant, ensuring you don’t have to seek anyone’s help, even your ex-partner’s help, to do things or explain what you need and how you should achieve it.

4. You will be able to break unhealthy patterns:

When you stay in touch with the ex, you cannot escape the things or patterns you might have developed. If the relationship was toxic or there were frequent fights, you might still be following the same pattern.

The no-contact rule in such cases helps establish boundaries and clearly states that you are ready to move on and are all set to break the unhealthy cycle of fights, toxicity, and blame and take care of yourself.

5. You will allow yourself to grow:

Being in a relationship feels great. However, when this feeling overpowers, your partner might stop paying attention to individual growth. The no-contact rule after a breakup gives you a chance to pay attention to yourself, and you and your ex can now grow as individuals.

The separation provides the opportunity to pursue personal goals, interests, and self-improvement without the constraints of the relationship.

6. You will open doors for new opportunities:

While it’s natural to hold onto hope for rekindling the relationship, the No Contact Rule opens up the possibility of new connections and experiences.

It creates the space for you to meet new people, explore different interests, and find a healthier and more fulfilling relationship in the future.

How To Resist the Temptation of Breaking the Rule?

After a breakup, many people think they can get their partner back by going cold turkey, and when this doesn’t happen, they tend to break the “No Contact” rule. If you also feel the same and want to connect with your ex, think about why you took the step in the first place. If you took it to return to the ex, you should stop following it.

However, if you follow the rule because you want to overcome the pain and heal, here are some strategies to help you stay strong and committed:

1. The no-contact rule not only helps you take a conscious break but also makes you set strict and clear boundaries. Following the rules becomes easy once you set them and are clear about the goal.

2. Spend time with friends and family members who support and encourage you. They will help you remember the purpose of choosing the no-contact policy.

3. Think about your future and how you can use the time efficiently for your betterment. The time you used to spend thinking about your partner can now be used to your advantage. This will help you gain a new perspective and think clearly about what you want and how you want things to move. This helps create a better future.

4. Connect with your hobbies. Being with a partner might have disconnected you from the things you used to enjoy. Now that you are apart and don’t want to return, engage in the activities you like. When you do what you like, you will no longer feel that something is missing. The activities will keep you occupied, and avoiding the temptation of connecting with your ex will be easy.

5. Practice self-compassion and be kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings. You cannot forget the person in just a day or two, and it is okay. Be considerate towards yourself. The way you used to take care of others and yourself. Write down your thoughts and emotions. It will provide an outlet for your feelings and help you process them.

6. List the reasons why you are following “No Contact.” When you feel like connecting with your ex, think about all you want and how you can achieve it. Look at the things and how they have changed for you for good. Stay present in the moment and acknowledge any urges or cravings without acting on them.

7. If you cannot control yourself, tell yourself you will reconsider contacting your ex-partner later, but for now, you will follow the no-contact rule to which you are committed. Channel your energy into self-improvement and pursue goals that enhance your well-being and happiness.

8. If nothing is helping you, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and can provide guidance during this process.

A Word from Calm Sage

Breakup hurts, and there is no time set to overcome the hurt. However, if you want to heal and stand back on your feet, “No Contact” is the best bet. It is a rule that helps learn self-love and self-preservation.

At first, following it will be tough, but it is a crucial step for a healthy and happy future. The best way to heal from a breakup and to take care of it well is the no-contact rule, which will work as a strong weapon.

As you implement the rule, you’re taking an essential step towards prioritizing your well-being and creating the space needed to move forward positively and empowered. Remember, it’s a process, and it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or professionals as you navigate this journey of healing and self-discovery.

About The Author

Ayush Yadav
Ayush Yadav

Aayush is a writer, and storyteller who is passionate about using words to help drive positive change and make people aware about the history. He holds a bachelor's in law, lives in the princely state Jaipur and is passionate about helping people in anyway possible. In his spare time, he is usually out with friends and enjoys exploring different facets of life.

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