11 Ways You’re Making Yourself Miserable (And How to Stop)

Last Update on June 4, 2024 : Published on June 4, 2024
Making Yourself Miserable

In our lives, we keep searching for happiness. In the quest to find happiness, many of us find ourselves becoming more and more miserable as each day passes. We can’t enjoy life, hang out with friends, or keep our relationships happy and healthy. So why is it that we are miserable? 

Surprisingly, much of our misery is self-inflicted. Knowing how to recognize the reasons and address them can help you become happier and have better relationships with others. 

In this article, I’m taking you through the most common habits that make us miserable ourselves, and how you can overcome them. Whether it’s unknowingly manipulating others or comparing yourself to others, each behavior we engage in can contribute to the cycle of unhappiness 

Let’s see how you can change your habits and get a more positive mindset when it comes to being happy and healthy in your relationships. 

Ways You Make Yourself Miserable

1. Being Negative

If you always keep talking negatively about yourself, your relationships, or your life, you’ll keep making yourself miserable. Negative thoughts can also be contagious, so the more you think negatively, the more negativity you’ll attract. This also means stop complaining all the time. If you don’t stop this behavior, you’ll be trapped in a cycle of stress and misery. 

2. Being Jealous 

It’s ok to feel jealous now and then, but if you’re always jealous of others, then it can give birth to the seed of resentment. Try to change your attitude about jealousy and try to be happy for others when they achieve something. 

3. Being Passive-Aggressive 

Another reason you keep making yourself miserable is your passive-aggressive nature. This means that instead of healthy resolutions, you indirectly express your anger through your actions – and not in a good way. This is something I’m also guilty of, but it’s easily fixable. Next time, when you want to confront someone, be open and diplomatic about it. 

4. Blaming Others 

When you can’t take responsibility for your actions, you blame others. This could be out of fear of confrontation or a defense mechanism. However, this behavior can also make you miserable. Instead of pointing fingers and shifting blame on others, ask yourself if it’s your fault or if the accusation is true. Taking responsibility for your actions can make you feel accountable and happier in the long run. 

5. Being Too Controlling 

Another reason you make yourself miserable is your control issues. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be in control of your actions, but all I’m saying is that you shouldn’t always be controlling. This means taking others’ opinions into account when making decisions. You can’t control everybody and everything. Sometimes, letting go is the way to stay sane and happy. 

6. Being Disrespectful 

I’m not saying that you are being purposefully disrespectful, but there might be times when you unknowingly use language or belittling comments towards others. Disrespect comes in many forms too – as insults, facial expressions, and even gestures. Be conscious of that and stop if you feel you’re being disrespectful. 

7. Being Too Competitive 

Healthy competition is good for motivation, indeed, but it becomes a danger when you take it too seriously. Anything – be it a sport, game, or challenge – can become uncomfortable if you’re too competitive, leading all roads to misery. Life is a challenge, but it’s not a competition you have to win. There’s no finish line, so take it slow and be considerate of others running alongside you.  

8. Being a Show-Off 

I have met people who love boasting, but they don’t have anything to support their behavior. So their “bragging” is nothing more than just a show-off. If you keep showing off and bragging about things, then others will drift apart from you, leaving you alone. If your success is worth celebrating, you’ll know without having to tell others about it. If you like to tell others about your achievements, then include them in your celebrations. It’s not always about you. 

9. Holding Grudges 

If you feel miserable in your life and relationships, then one reason could be that you hold grudges. Grudges only breed resentment and keep the hurt alive, not letting you heal. Let them go if you want to be happy in life. Things happen, and mistakes are made, but don’t hold on to them. Let it go. Holding grudges will hurt you, not others, and make you feel miserable. 

10. Being Critical 

We all have an inner critic who keeps us on our toes, but is that voice helpful or always critical? Because let me tell you, constantly criticizing yourself and others, keeps the misery in your heart alive and well. Being critical can lower self-esteem and create a toxic environment. If you want to stop being miserable, then put yourself in others’ shoes and see how constant criticism affects them. Are they happy? Will they want to be around you? 

11. Comparing Yourself to Others 

Another way you’re making yourself miserable is by comparing yourself to others. It’s one way to lower your self-confidence and happiness. This behavior only highlights your flaws and increases feelings of resentment and envy. If you’re surrounded by people who are more successful than you, then instead of comparing yourself to them, seek inspiration from them. Know that whatever they are showing is for the world. They might have struggled too, but no one likes showing that off, do they? Focus on yourself! 

How to Stop Being Miserable?

Now that you know what is making you miserable without even realizing it, let’s take a look at the strategies you can use to stop making yourself unhappy and become happier in life; 

1. Find Supportive People 

We’re social creatures, and we thrive in social situations, so instead of being alone and feeding your misery, go out and meet people who support your values. We all need a support system, so work on finding one for yourself. You can find support from friends, family, or even a counselor. Anyone who brings you out of your misery and encourages you to be happy. 

2. Don’t Do Things to Please Others 

If you’re doing things to please others, you might make yourself miserable again. Stop doing that! Do things for yourself and make yourself happy before you do so for others at your expense. You shouldn’t rely on others for your self-worth and validation. Learn to be the strong pillar of validation for yourself! 

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others 

If you’re comparing yourself to others, then you’ll keep making yourself miserable. STOP. Your successes are not equal to others. They might have been successful, but that doesn’t mean you’re not. Look at your achievements and how far you’ve come in life before you take a look at others and compare. 

4. Live For Yourself

To stop being miserable, live for yourself. Some people love living in nostalgia, but you don’t have to. Enjoy your life on your terms. If you make a decision – right or wrong – stick by it. If you make a mistake, learn from it. Stop despairing and start living your life with happiness in your heart. 

5. Become More Positive 

Instead of letting your inner critic take over, talk positively to yourself. For each negative thought, counter it with a positive. How you talk to yourself changes how you live. The more negative you are, the more negativity you’ll attract. Talking down on yourself will make you more miserable. Change your self-talk to change your status from miserable to happy! 

6. Be Real and Believe in Yourself 

Don’t be so focused on winning the race that you forget the value of living in the moment. Don’t expect too much from yourself otherwise, it’ll lead to disappointment which will turn into misery. Believe in yourself and make sure that your self-worth isn’t tied to materialistic things. Happiness and misery come from within. It’s up to you to choose which one to let in, and which one to let go. 

7. Seek Professional Support 

If you’re still struggling with feelings of misery and can’t seem to stop, then seek professional support. You can always reach out to a therapist and talk about your feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space. They can also help you make sense of the reasons you make yourself miserable and how you can stop. 

Reach Out to a Professional TODAY

Wrapping Up…  

Letting go of self-inflicted misery starts with self-awareness and a desire to change your life status from “misery” to “happiness”. Knowing how you’re making yourself miserable and what behaviors keep you from being happy, can help you change them and take a few steps closer to becoming happy. 

Know that each person is unique and so are their ways to change their lifestyle. I might be able to let go of my self-inflicted misery in a week, while you might take months – and that’s OK. No matter how slow or fast the process is, celebrate each step! 

These changes might be small, but they matter in the long run. Be patient with yourself and respect your journey. 

I hope this article and the ways listed here to stop making yourself miserable will help you change your life. Let me know your thoughts and tips in the comments below. 

Take Care! 

About The Author

Swarnakshi Sharma
Swarnakshi Sharma

Swarnakshi is a content writer at Calm sage, who believes in a healthier lifestyle for mind and body. A fighter and survivor of depression, she strives to reach and help spread awareness on ending the stigma surrounding mental health issues. A spiritual person at heart, she believes in destiny and the power of Self. She is an avid reader and writer and likes to spend her free time baking and learning about world cultures.

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