What Is Stonewalling Abuse?

Last Update on August 1, 2022 : Published on August 1, 2022

Have you ever been in a situation where you are constantly trying to talk to your partner about something and they just don’t give you a reply? If yes, there is a high chance your partner is stonewalling you.

The act of refusing to engage in a conversation or confrontation is called stonewalling and when it happens quite often in a relationship it becomes stonewalling abuse. Anyone can engage in stonewalling abuse but there have been some surveys that men indulge in stonewalling a lot more than women.

Now, stonewalling happens sometimes and that’s manageable but when stonewalling begins to happen in almost every conversation or confrontation, it becomes a problem. Stonewalling abuse can ruin a perfect relationship.

Let’s understand stonewalling abuse a little better so that it doesn’t ruin your relationship…

What Is Stonewalling Abuse?


Stonewalling abuse is a type of emotional abuse which involves one partner in a relationship who completely ignores and refuses to participate in any important conversation or confrontation. It is when you finally sit down to talk about things that might be bothering you or some financial or emotional conflict and your partner turns a blind eye to you.

It’s frustrating to talk to someone who is not even willing to acknowledge what you are saying, leave alone giving you an explanation or simply contribute to the conversation. Stonewalling abuse is named so because when someone administers stonewalling abuse they become like a tough stonewall that is not affected by anything.

Have you ever felt like or heard someone say, “It feels like I am talking to a wall!”? This expression comes out of stonewalling abuse. There are so many people who are dealing with stonewalling abuse on a daily basis because their partner has decided that keeping quiet is their way out.

What Are The Effects Of Stonewalling Abuse?

Stonewalling abuse has a huge impact on the relationship and also on the person receiving stonewalling abuse. Imagine not getting an answer for all your questions, you want to know how your partner is feeling but they will just not give a damn reply. Here’s how stonewalling abuse affects people.

Stonewalling abuse effects on the receiver;

  • Increases feelings of frustration and anger in the person receiving stonewalling abuse
  • Increases negativity in a relationship
  • It makes the person receiving stonewalling abuse feel unloved and unwanted
  • It makes them feel disrespected
  • There are feelings of worthlessness
  • There is a lack of emotional support
  • They feel overburdened and overwhelmed
  • There is no emotional or physical intimacy in the relationship
  • They feel hurt and confused by their partner’s stonewalling behavior

Stonewalling abuse effects on the giver;

  • The person who is stonewalling blocks themself to feel anything
  • They bottle up their feelings
  • They feel trapped in their own mind
  • They think they are doing the right thing by not answers
  • There is avoidance, they are escaping from conflict

How To Deal With Stonewalling Abuse?


Imagine living with someone who is not willing to reply to any of your important questions. It is sure to mess with your mental health because you want something out of them, an answer is the least to expect.

Stonewalling abuse, I think, is a combination of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and emotionally abusing someone. No one deserves to get stonewalled by someone, even if you are, here’s how you can deal with stonewalling abuse;

  • Don’t engage in self-blame. Your partner will make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. Make sure you process the situation well and if you haven’t done something wrong, don’t blame yourself.
  • Try to get to the root of this behavior. Why is your partner behaving this way? Do they have a troubled past or do they just prefer avoidance as a coping mechanism?
  • Engage in self-care. There will be times you’ll feel like you are the problem, maybe you make a mountain out of a mole. That might not always be the case, give yourself some rest from the chaos. Take care of yourself
  • Let your partner know. It’s important to take a break from your stonewalling partner for some mental peace but that doesn’t mean you stop telling them how they make you feel. Make sure you tell them that stonewalling abuse affects your health and your relationship.
  • Manage your anger.Even though anger is something that is the first time you feel during stonewalling abuse, let me tell you, expressing your anger will not help.
  • Get professional help.When you feel like things are going out of hand and this stonewalling abuse has completely taken over you and your relationship, it’s time to get some professional help.

That’s All Folks!

I hope you found this blog about stonewalling abuse helpful, interesting, and thought-provoking. Do share this blog with your friends and family because you never know who is dealing with stonewalling abuse and wants some help with it.

Thanks for reading.

Take care and stay safe.

About The Author

Kirti Bhati
Kirti Bhati

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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