How to Deal With Toxic Parents When You Live With Them?

Last Update on August 21, 2023 : Published on October 1, 2021
How to deal with toxic parents

When you are having a bad day, all you want to do is go home to your parents. They are comforting and you’re at peace when you’re home. Well, it’s not the same for every person your age.

It is unfortunate how some of you have messed up parents. Not every person has an option to move out. It’s slightly easier to deal with toxic parents when you are living away from them. And it gets a little more difficult when you’re living with toxic parents.

Toxic parents can be extremely manipulative, critical, and controlling. They can trick you emotionally into staying with them while they make all your life decisions. In fact, they might even make you rethink the decisions and choices you’ve made.

To lessen your misery, here’s a list of things you can do to deal with toxic parents when you live with them!

10 Ways You Can Deal With Toxic Parents When You Live With Them

1. No more pleasing the parents:

No more pleasing the parents

When we are young, we are conditioned to listen to our parents and do as they say. In return, we are rewarded with their approval. That conditioning stays with us even when we are older.

It’s impossible to make a toxic parent happy. They always want more from you, therefore they’ll never be pleased with you. You’re stuck in a loop and it’s time you break free. Stop being a parent-pleaser.

2. Avoid arguments:

Now, let’s set the record clear, toxic parents will never agree or even try to understand where you’re coming from and what your point of view is.  Why invest your time and energy in something that’s not going to do you any good?

Think about it, do you really want to spend hours trying to explain simple stuff to your mom/dad knowing that it’s not going to end well? Take my word, do not try to reason with them because they’ll never agree with you.

Also read: Grey Rock Method: The New Way Of Shutting Toxic People

3. Holiday without them:

You need a break! Everyone deserves a holiday that is free from stress, responsibility, and judgment. You need a break from your toxic parents. Therefore, try to go away from them on holiday.

I know you have some family traditions that you have to follow. But you can make new traditions, spend the holiday the way you want to and not the way you are expected to.

4. Set some boundaries:

Set some boundaries

Another way to deal with toxic parents is by Setting boundaries. You have to understand that setting boundaries are very important for you at this point. You have a life to live, you can’t always live according to your parents.

Keep one thing in mind, always be consistent. It is very difficult to get a toxic person to agree to your rules. It is possible that they will not adhere to your set boundaries. So, be firm in what you want. It will take time but gradually they will begin to respect your boundaries.

5. Don’t expect them to change:

They have been a certain way for a long time now. Try to accept them the way they are because it will be impossible for you to change them. It’s not your responsibility to do so either.

Do try to control something that’s not in your capacity. Trying to change someone’s behavior and attitude is not very easy. But you can choose how you react to it.

6. Do not overshare:

toxic parents can misuse the information you give them. Unfortunately, they don’t have your best interest in mind. So try to emotionally detach yourself from them.

Don’t let them know your weaknesses and shortcomings because there is a high chance they might use it to manipulate you.

7. Plan your day keeping your activities in mind:

I know there are many of you who have been embarrassed by your presents publicly. Their toxic behavior has no end. If you want to, you can plan your day according to their actions throughout the day.

For example: If their toxicity is not very strong in the morning then schedule that hour of the day to be at home. If you know that they are troublesome in night mostly then set an early bedtime or try not to host any dinners. Be in their presence when they are less likely to trouble you.

8. Have an exit strategy:

you should always have a backup! What if things are not in control anymore or they begin to intensify by each passing day? You can’t be dealing with that all your life.

You need to break free and that’ll be all within your rights. It is not your duty to be with them at all times. Plan a strategy and leave when you see the first spark.

9. Don’t be a robot to your parents:

they have chosen to treat you a certain way and that’s not your fault. You do not always have to do exactly what they say. You don’t have to be there for them at all times.

You are already dealing with a lot. You are not responsible for their actions and neither are you their emergency helpline service. You have to let them know that you are not here just to serve them. You have your own life!

10. Prioritize self-care:

living with toxic parents can be emotionally and mentally draining. Take some time out for yourself. Show some love to yourself. You only live once and you shouldn’t let go of this chance.

Take good care of yourself. Sleep and eat properly, don’t suppress your feelings and emotions. Spend time with your friends, be positive so that you can attract positivity.

Final word…

Dealing with toxic parents is difficult. The difficulty doubles when you are living with them. It is difficult for others to understand your pain maybe because they aren’t dealing with what you are. Every day of your life is like a battle that you know you will lose.

It’s time you win that damn battle! You have the power in you to free yourself of all the emotional burden your toxic parents have given to you. Their toxic behavior needs an answer and they need it now!

Try to use the above-mentioned strategies to make your life better. If your toxic parents are living with you, they better be doing it on your terms.

I am writing this blog to help all of you who are living with your toxic parents. Be your own protector.

I hope this blog helps you in dealing with toxic parents especially when you are living with them. If you know someone who has a toxic parent, do share this blog with them too. I hope this blog helps as many people as possible. 

Thanks for reading!

Take care and be safe!

About The Author

Kirti Bhati
Kirti Bhati

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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