Love Map: How Do They Work And How To Make Love Maps?

Last Update on December 27, 2023 : Published on December 27, 2023
How to Build a Love Map

Do you want to make your relationship last longer? Well, if you’re exclusively dating each other right now, you must know about relationship mapping. Because not only it’s trending, but relationship mapping carries an effective approach that can be really good for evaluating your partner. In order to make your love map, you don’t need a pen, paper, compass, or other stationery.

Love maps or relationship maps are not actual maps but actually created in our brain wherein we store all important information about our partner’s life, likes, dislikes, goals, and other important things. The concept of love maps was created by famous relationship psychologists Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.

In this blog, let us understand what love maps are, how love maps can help your relationship thrive, its examples, how to make your love map and other important factors associated with love mapping. So, let’s get started!

What are Love Maps?

Love maps are created in the brain which helps in understanding the relationship with your partner better and also, they help in strengthening the relationship. The psychology behind the development of the love map is mentioned briefly in a book titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman.

The general behind the development of the relationship maps was to improve a relationship. Gottman mentioned, “In order to have a healthy relationship, both partners might have to take some time to ask questions and explore or understand topics that will help you and your partner to understand each other.

Do you know that Gottman’s method of love mapping is one of nine elements of “The Sound Relationship House.”

The Importance of Love Mapping

Now, a lot of people, why does love mapping matter? Well, love maps are an important tool to navigate your relationship better and stronger. They help in building emotional intimacy and connection. They make you feel understood at the other end. According to Gottman’s approach of love mapping, it can help you create a healthy and positive relationship with your partner.

According to me, perfection does not exist. Love mapping does not make your relationship perfect but it can make your relationship mindful, purposeful, intimate, and deeply connected. The relationship keeps on growing and changing, there’s no finite concept about being in a relationship. Therefore, love maps also change with time, worked on, enhanced, and developed throughout.

Signs You Need to Create a Love Map

According to me, there’s no exact sign to create or work on a love map. A love map can be created in all situations, be it challenging, be it improving, be it exclusively seeing each other, or even being married to each other for 10 years. Love maps can be created or worked on at any time, instead, they can also be a super exercise to build intimacy or closeness with each other.

Consecutively, they can be created at any stage of a relationship. The fact is that all relationships can seek benefits by creating love maps together. Do you know even platonic relationships can seek benefits from creating relationship maps?

If you’re currently going through a rough patch in your relationship, it can be a great time to navigate your relationship through love mapping. If you have not created your love map yet, do it now and you’ll be able to get a proper and deeper understanding about your relationship.

How to Create a Love Map?

Love maps can be formed through intentional questioning, communication, compatibility, vulnerability, trust, and curiosity in your partner’s life. According to Gottman’s theory, the significant factors of relationship mapping can be understanding your partner’s history, childhood, upbringing styles, today’s values, insecurities, deepest hopes, dreams, fears, biases, and others.

A deep understanding of these factors can help us learn about our partner’s life story which might help us in evaluating the relationship better on a fundamental level. Now, coming to the question, how do you form a love map? Well, simply you can start sharing feelings, information, and thoughts with your partner. This will help them feel comfortable and help in building closeness with each other.

Additionally, when you speak up in front of your partner, you tend to develop more compassion towards each other patiently. This also explains your emotional needs. As a brownie point, it helps in giving the “benefit of the doubt” in situations that are difficult to understand or navigate.

Do you know that unintentionally we all have been creating a love map for our partners? Prior, we have done it without having proper information. But, now that we have a deeper understanding of the formation of love maps, we can now be intentional about the love mapping process and can easily seek each other’s help while understanding about lives.

How to Build a Love Map?

Love mapping involves direct questioning, deep understanding, evaluating, and constant navigating. When it comes to questioning a partner, there are different love map cards available on the internet that might help you navigate your partner. The questions in love mapping generally revolve around childhood, likes, goals, dislikes, values, purpose, relationship factors, and others.

Below listed are some of the questions that might help you build a love map:

  • What did you like in childhood the most?
  • How do you like to spend your weekend?
  • Which is your favorite book?
  • What was your favorite vacation in childhood?
  • What’s your secret ambition?
  • How do you like to improve a relationship based on your past relationships that probably didn’t work out?

As much as we will involve ourselves in questioning, understanding, and reflecting, we will be able to enhance love towards each other. The process of building a love map is quite simple, there can be different ways to prepare your love map with your partner, loved ones, family members, or friends.

All you need to do is to develop a deep understanding of each other. Here are some quick tips to build your own love map:

  • Take the help of Gottman Cards for questioning
  • Try couples apps for questioning and deeper understanding
  • Seek some extra time and communicate mindfully with your partner
  • Try some fun and interesting activities together
  • Take some time together and cook meals together, declutter your space, or decorate your home
  • Make the perfect use of downtime and let the conversation go on

5 Steps To Build Your Love Map

Step 1: Learn about each other deeply

The first ever step towards building your love map is to learn more about each other. Know about each other’s values, purpose, goals, challenges, upbringing, and other things that might define them.

Step 2: Ask open-ended questions

The second step is to keep the conversation going on mindfully. See, this conversation does not require to be pre-planned or scripted. To achieve this, you might need to get in the flow and make yourself free and comfortable.

Step 3: Share what makes you “you”

To know and understand each other deeply, share your deep experiences, your childhood troubles, upbringing, and interests. Open up yourself in front of your partner and let your partner connect with your personality deeply.

Step 4: Try different activities together

To maintain the sync of the process, try different activities together. You can take the help of a couple’s app, answer for each other, discuss things openly, and enjoy the sense of being together with someone who actually understands you.

Step 5: Listen or read relatable books or stories

To promote healing or to heal inner childhood wounds, you can listen to podcasts or YouTube videos associated with your experiences. This will develop a deeper understanding of your experiences and will help your partner to develop a connection with you.

How to Build a Healthy Relationship Based on Love Maps?

Love maps can be an incredible way to build a healthy and positive relationship with each other. After constructing a love map, people usually develop a strong sense towards their partners. They learn about their habits, purpose, values, and other important factors that make a relationship thrive through the challenges as well. In this way, we can build a healthy relationship and most importantly it helps in demonstrating a deep understanding of our love towards our partner.

The fact is that when we learn about impactful stories about our partner’s life, early experiences, and goals, we avoid developing insecurities and triggers that might demean their values or goals. We start promoting love and healing for each other. A love map can be the simplest form of showing concern, understanding, and love towards each other. It can be the simplest and mindful form to understand your partner.

If you feel stuck in the process, you can always take the help of certified and experienced couple therapists. Couples therapy is not only for couples going through challenges but also for couples who are looking for different ways to make their relationship thrive. Couples therapy can be playful, and joyous, and most importantly it can make your bond stronger than ever.

Related Read: What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Couples?

I hope this blog helps you understand what love maps are and how to build love maps. Comment down and share your views on creating love maps to help your relationship work.

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Thanks for reading!

About The Author

Aayushi Kapoor
Aayushi Kapoor

Aayushi is a Content Creator at Calm Sage. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Food Technology and a Master's Degree in Clinical Nutrition. Her constant interest in the improvement of mental health, nutrition, and overall wellness embarked upon her career as a “full-time educational writer.” She likes to make an asynchronous connection with her readers. Her mantra for living life is "What you seek is seeking you".

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