Time to Take the Thought Pill of Self-validation | Be Your Own Support
What is the first thing that you do after wearing a new outfit or cooking a new dish? Ask others how you look or how well you have cooked? Ever wondered why?
Why do you upload a picture on social media and constantly keep looking for the number of likes you have got?
The answer to these “WHY” lies in the fact that we are constantly looking for validation from others. This validation is taken as a definition of who we are as a person. Which in turn leaves a negative impact on our overall well-being.
So, what to do? How to check the validity of our emotions and thoughts?
The answer to this question is to take the thought pill of Self-validation and be your own support system!
Wondering how? Keep reading to learn more about this beautiful practice.
What is Self-validation?
Dr. Karyn Hall says, Self-validation means to express understanding and accepting your thoughts and feelings. Self-validation is a tool that teaches you the relationship that you have with yourself. It further allows you to love and respect yourself. The formula behind self-validation is very simple: more approval and less criticism (of self). By practicing self-validation you can feel worthy and good about yourself without any external opinion!
NOTE: It is not a tool to not work on your weaknesses or distance yourself from others. It is a way to develop self-worth and stop self-criticism or self-sabotaging.
Why Do You Need Self-Validation?
If you are wondering why you need to practice self-validation here is a list of reasons for you to look at:
- By practicing self-validation you learn to become your own social support system. This way when on days you don’t have anyone to look at, you have yourself.
- It makes you feel positive about yourself.
- It boosts your self-worth.
- It helps you switch from self-blaming tendencies to self-loving oneself.
- It allows you to accept yourself the way you are (with all flaws included).
- Self-validation is a great tool to respect and understand your emotions without any external criteria.
- It helps you build self-confidence.
- It takes you one step closer to success by inspiring you to take action (that really matters).
- With the practice of self-validation, negative thoughts fade away.
- It also allows you to see failure in a positive light.
- It improves your overall well-being (physical and mental).
The Three A’s of Self-validation
The three A’s of self-validation that will help you empower yourself are:
- Acceptance: Accept the reality of your situation objectively. Accept and recognize when you are a little off. Once you accept the situation you know exactly what you want to work with.
- Aware: Next, be aware of the choices you can make in a given situation. This further directs your actions.
- Action: Finally, depending on the awareness that you have developed take valid actions.
You can apply these 3 A’s by working on this small worksheet:
The Three A’s of Self-Validation
I accept that………………..
I am aware that………………
My action is to………………
How Can I Practice Self-validation?
To get a dose of the thought pill “Self-validation” you can apply these following steps in your life:
STEP 1: Be Present
Being aware of your thoughts and emotions is the starting point of practicing self-validation. Do not neglect them! Be mindful of them and accept them. Remember they are your entities. Listen to your thoughts and feel your emotions. Be present to acknowledge them rather than hiding away from them.
STEP 2: Be Patient
Don’t rush on the journey of self-validation. It is a process so be patient with self and the process to enjoy the best out of it. We understand accepting your emotions that you have been hiding away from so long is not an overnight task to complete. So, give time to yourself while you feel these emotions.
STEP 3: Be Considerate of Your Emotions
An important point of accepting your emotions is to not criticize yourself or play the self-blame game. Instead, you should be considerate of your thoughts and feelings. For this, it is advised that you don’t suppress your emotions and evaluate them. This will help you normalize your emotions and thoughts.
STEP 5: Be Genuine
The most important aspect of self-validation is to be your real self! Don’t pretend to be someone who you are not. The best way to work on the aspect of genuineness is to be the parent of the child version of you. This will help you be your real self on one hand and show self-compassion on the other.
Don’t know where to begin self-validation from? Here is a list of self-validation expressions for you to try. Just stand in front of the mirror and say it yourself.
- It is normal to feel this way.
- I gave it my best effort.
- I am worthy of it.
- Good job (pat on your back).
- My feelings are valid.
- I gave it my best effort.
- I am proud of myself.
- Not everyone likes me and that’s okay. I like myself.
- Everyone makes mistakes.
- I like ………………….. about myself.
DID YOU KNOW?
There is a recent therapy called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) that helps you to work on yourself by focusing on the process of self-validation. You may take that therapy to learn the other essential skills of self-validation. Therapy can help you heal as well!
Know-How to Validate Yourself In Daily Life:
Here are leads for you to shift from external validation to self-validation in your daily life:
|Seek approval & insensitive to criticism||Follows intuition and seeks fulfillment|
|Comparing self to others||Comparing oneself to the person who you were yesterday|
|Need others to like you and think you are competent||You are self-aware and understand the skills that you have|
|Telling others your story and trying to make them understand your struggle||Heal yourself and inspire others through your story|
|The emotional state depends on others||The emotional state depends on self|
Time for you to start being less critical and start loving yourself. If you have more ways to self-validate that you practice, please drop them in the comment section below, we would love to hear from you.
Sometimes you just need someone who can encourage you and ask “how you are doing,” and that someone is you.
Never stop loving yourself!!!