What You Should Never Tell Your Therapist?

Last Update on September 22, 2022 : Published on September 22, 2022

What should you never tell a therapist?” A common query among people who have been advised to take therapy so that their mental health can be improved. When you go to a therapist, you’re expected to be an open book but the question here is how open a book you have to be.

Many of us have a billion questions like,

  • what happens if you tell your therapist you’re suicidal?
  • can you tell a therapist something illegal?
  • can you be brutally honest or should you filter your thoughts?

Different people have different kinds of fear about what you should and what you should never tell a therapist. Some people have done questionable things in life and are scared to say it out loud and some others just don’t want to be judged and that’s why they keep things to themselves.

What is it that you tell your therapist? Well, you go to a therapist for a reason, you need to protect yourself from your negative thoughts. If you aren’t really telling your therapist what’s actually bothering you, how can you expect them to help you heal?

Basically, you have to be a completely open book and tell your therapist every feeling, emotion or thought that you’ve had so that both of you can work together in identifying the problem and finding a proper solution for it.

Having said that, there are a bunch of things you should avoid telling your therapist. Want to know what they are? Read on to find out…

10 Things You Should Never Tell A Therapist


1. Do not tell any lies

Lying to your therapist is a big NO. if-at-all you don’t feel comfortable in share something, you can tell your therapist that you’re not okay with sharing this information as of now. As and when you develop a strong relationship with your therapist and when you start feeling comfortable, you can share then but never indulge in a lie.

2. Do not dis your last therapist

If things didn’t work out well with your previous therapist and you felt the need to work with another therapist, you can change the therapist but do not ever complain about your last therapist to the present one.

Each therapist has their own way of functioning and it’s very disrespectful of you to talk badly about someone who tried to help you with your problems. Also, it has nothing to do with your therapy.

3. Do not try to be a good person

Mental health experts are trained not to judge anyone’s actions or behaviors because they are not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. They are there to help you uncover your hidden emotions and core beliefs that are causing you pain. So, don’t try to be a good person in from of them, tell them about your true feelings and thoughts so that they can help you identify the problem quickly.

4. Do not ask for medicines in place of therapy

If your doctor has advised you to take therapy, that means therapy is the best available option for you to get better. If medicines would have worked for you more than therapy then you wouldn’t have been advised the therapy in the first place. So, if you’re there, you probably need it, do not ask them to give you some medicines instead.

5. Do not ask them to be your friends or confess love to them

It is very common for people to feel like they have fallen for their therapist or that they have become best friends with their therapist. A therapist is bound to help you but only during your session. They are not supposed to be your friends or a lover for many reasons.

You will feel very strongly about them because for you they’ve been a rock that supported you during your rough patch. They have been doing their job and are not emotionally invested in you.

6. Apologizing for your feelings

You don’t need to apologize for how you feel. You’re with a therapist to talk about your feeling and emotions, if you keep apologizing and feeling sorry for putting someone through your pain or suffering then how will the therapy move forward?

Your therapist understands that you’ve been through a lot and sharing that with someone can be intense but it is also necessary. So, sharing your feelings and emotions is good but feeling sorry for doing so is not good.

7. No need for small talk

There is no need for you to engage in small talk before you get to the point. You can straight away talk about your problem for your feelings and emotions that might be troubling you.

Your therapist knows that you need some help, so you don’t need to slowly get there. You can just start talking about all the things that went wrong or right that day/week.

8. Don’t feel guilty for making it all about yourself

You are with a therapist because you need to sort out some issues that you have with yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty for only thinking or talking about yourself. Don’t apologize for thinking only about yourself.

Be true to yourself and your therapist and leave the rest, your therapist is there to help you work through your problems so it’s perfectly fine for you to make it all about yourself.

9. You don’t need to be objective

for someone who is overwhelmed by their own emotions and feelings, it’s very natural for them to try to avoid expressing too much. But when you are in therapy you don’t have to feel bad about putting your emotions and feelings as raw as they are on the table.

Try not to be objective while you describe something you felt or did, give all details to your therapist because the problem and the solution lay in the details.

10. You don’t need to feel judged or guilty

While you share your actions or behaviors with your therapist which might not be completely right or might be really mean, you don’t need to feel judged and say things like, “I know I am a bad person” or “you’re going to hate me for this”.

Your therapist is not there to judge your character, they are there to make you understand where you went wrong and what can you do to redeem yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1. Do therapists have to report suicidal thoughts?

Not necessarily, your therapist will have you deal with your suicidal thoughts. They might make use of some other intervention to reduce suicidal thoughts as well and if need be they might advise you to admit yourself so that you can be under observation.

Q2. what is psychologist confidentiality?

Psychologists take an oath to keep each detail retrieved from their patients to themselves and not share it with anyone. All details and information are strictly confidential. They can share some details with the family members only if the patients allow them to.

Q3. Do therapists have to report crimes?

Everything that a patient tells a therapist is confidential but in case of admission of a crime, the therapist can break confidentiality if they assume a threat to the patient or someone else. A therapist can also break confidentiality in matters of national security or court cases but can only talk about specific and important information, they can’t give our character certificates.

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That’s All Folks!

I hope you found this blog about what you should never tell a therapist interesting, informative and helpful. If you are someone who is going for therapy for the first time, I’m sure this list of things you should not tell a therapist is definitely going to help you.

Thanks for reading.

Take care and stay safe.

About The Author

Kirti Bhati
Kirti Bhati

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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