“I Hate Who I Have Become”: Reasons You Think This (And How To Overcome It)

Last Update on July 26, 2022 : Published on July 26, 2022

Let’s do something, shall we? Go and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like the person you see in the reflection? Do you pity them? Or do you hate who you’ve become?

If you agree with the last question, you may be familiar with the feeling of being your worst enemy. While it can be pretty painful, feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and self-hatred aren’t uncommon. If you’ve been wondering lately or telling yourself, “I hate the person I’ve become”, then it’s not uncommon. Distressing and painful, yes but not uncommon.

But why do you feel this way? Are different life experiences or external factors influencing your thinking? Or is it an internal dilemma that’s making you pose this thinking?

Below, let’s take a look at the potential reasons you might be thinking, “I hate who I have become” and how you can overcome this thinking.

Why Do You Hate Yourself?

Let’s reflect on the image you had for yourself in your adulthood when you were young. I mean, we all have an image of ourselves when we are young, right? We all imagine becoming mature and a better person when we grow older.

However, life doesn’t always work how we want it to and the image we might have created of ourselves at a young age might find itself shattering in the face of life’s harsh realities.

Also Read: Why Self-Hatred Is Not Healthy | How To Stop It

Maybe you had envisioned a kind and generous person but you grew up to become an indifferent person. Not for any other reason but for the people around you who did not treat you with the kindness you deserved. Or maybe because you were made to feel inferior.

If you’ve been thinking, “I hate myself so much”, then remember, you’re not the only one with this thinking. Many people do not like who they’ve become. However, staying in that mental space, one where the world (or you) aren’t kind enough, is a choice. A choice you can change.

Before we look at the ways you can overcome self-hatred thinking, let’s take a brief look at some of the reasons why you hate yourself:

1. First, Question Your Feelings

The first thing to understand what bears your self-hatred is to question if your feelings of self-hatred stem from an internal conflict or an external circumstance.

Is it your poor self-esteem that made you think you hate yourself or was it being in an abusive relationship that made you think about self-hatred? Keep in mind that an abusive relationship can be of a romantic, professional, social, and even parental kind.

2. Past Trauma

Not many people understand that past trauma can leave a heavy impact on someone. If you’ve ever been abused as a child, either verbally, physically, or emotionally, the impact of the trauma can make you question your self-esteem and think “I hate myself”.

3. The Presence Of An Inner Critic

When we are young, we hardly pay attention to our inner voice but when we enter adulthood, the inner voice grows stronger until we are forced to acknowledge it.

At times, this inner voice can be supportive, however other times, it can be our worst critic, making us feel worthless and undeserving. The presence of an inner critic can give power to negative thoughts and question our self-worth, even when we are presented with a positive acknowledgment.

4. Mental Health Struggles

Not taking proper care of your mental health can also result in you thinking, “I hate who I have become”. The struggles you face when it comes to mental and emotional health can impact the goals and dreams you’ve set for yourself.

In the end, this kind of mental struggle can make it easier for you to fall into the trap of self-hatred. Hating yourself can also be a secondary sign of depression that you should not ignore. Depression can make you feel worthless, hopeless, and helpless.

If you or your loved one is struggling with depression, it is recommended you connect with a professional therapist to seek the right support and treatment.

How To Overcome Self-Hatred?

1. Challenge Your Inner Critic

To stop the spiral of, “I hate myself”, the first thing you should do is learn to challenge your inner critic. You can start by breaking down your destructive thoughts that are making you feel hatred towards yourself.

Understand where the critical thoughts are coming from and counter them with realistic thinking. For example, instead of thinking, “I am not deserving of this love”, think, “I can overcome this for I am a capable person”.

2. Do The Best You Can

Next, you need to do the best you can, even if the best is not much. Trust me, no one is great on their first try and even if you fail, don’t give up. Skills, even self-love, take time to develop and when you keep practicing, it’ll only improve.

Also Read : What is “me time” And 8 Ways to Enjoy your “me time”

All you have to do is keep trying and keep loving yourself, even if it’s small. The more you practice self-love, the better you’ll become at it.

3. Disrupt Negative Thinking

Negative thoughts can take you on a downward spiral of hatred and loathing. Controlling negative thinking can help you disrupt the spiral before it starts. If you keep going down the spiral, you’ll end up feeling depressed and worthless.

Also Read: Want To Reduce Negative Thoughts? Try This Exercise To Stop Negative Thinking

To avoid this, you need to catch your negative thinking and stop your mind from processing it. Distract yourself by focusing on a mental exercise. Anything that can help you disrupt negative thinking.

4. Work On The Parts You Dislike

There are things about us that we dislike, there’s no surprise behind that. And it’s OK. The best part is that you can always improve the things you dislike about yourself. If it’s your habit of eating junk food that you dislike, then you can work on it by choosing to eat healthily or getting more exercise.

Anything that can help you work on the thighs you don’t like about yourself. Don’t stop at one thing. Experiment until you find the thing that makes you feel happy and good about yourself.

5. Try To Focus On Self-Care

When you think about how much you hate who you’ve become, it’s tempting to self-punish. However, what would happen if you chose self-care instead of self-punishment? You can change your thinking by simply choosing to focus on self-care more than self-punishment or self-blame.

There are many types of self-care activities that can help you focus more on yourself than on the things you want to punish yourself for.

6. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Who you choose to surround yourself with also matters when it comes to feelings of self-hatred. The more you surround yourself with positive people, the more healthy and positive your thinking will be.

Toxic people will drag you down but positive people will lift your spirits. If negativity can be contagious, positivity can be contagious too. If you choose to surround yourself with positive people, you’ll notice a drastic change in your thinking as well.

Read The Grey Rock Method to Shut down Toxic People

7. Let Out Your Thoughts

When our negative thoughts are confined to our minds, they fester, making us think more about how we don’t deserve good things and thoughts like, “I hate who I have become”.

You can let go of your negative thinking when you let go of your thoughts and the best way to do that can be through journaling. Penning your thoughts and feelings on paper can help you let go of your negative thoughts and process where these thoughts come from.

8. Realign Your Values

We all have values and beliefs that we hold onto during difficult times. These values and beliefs give meaning to our existence and when we find ourselves veering from these values, self-hatred can be born. It’s easy to hate yourself when you feel your life isn’t aligning with your values or the choices you believe in.

Here, you can try to realign your values and consider what’s important to you and what you can let go of. Is there a compromise that can be made? Can you reconsider your beliefs?

9. Love All Of You

When you think, “I hate the person I’ve become”, then loving yourself for who you are can be challenging. And I understand it. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t try. When you see a tear in your favorite t-shirt, you don’t throw it away but try to mend it, right? Then why can’t you try to mend yourself?

Find happiness within yourself. You don’t need to abandon your weaknesses, instead, find how you can make them your strengths. Give all of your love to yourself, even if you believe you don’t deserve it. One day, you’ll see how your love was (and is) worth it.

10. Seek Professional Support

Hating yourself can be a sign of depression or other mental health issues. If your feelings of self-hatred are because of past trauma or mental health struggles, then you can overcome them by connecting with a professional counselor or therapist.

They can help you explore the causes of the hatred towards yourself and address them. You can connect with your nearest mental healthcare provider too.

I hope this article helped you understand why you might think, “I hate who I have become” and how to overcome this thought.

For more, you can connect with us at info@calmsage.com or DM us on social media. You can also share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

Take Care!

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About The Author

Swarnakshi Sharma
Swarnakshi Sharma

Swarnakshi is a content writer at Calm sage, who believes in a healthier lifestyle for mind and body. A fighter and survivor of depression, she strives to reach and help spread awareness on ending the stigma surrounding mental health issues. A spiritual person at heart, she believes in destiny and the power of Self. She is an avid reader and writer and likes to spend her free time baking and learning about world cultures.

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