Why Self-Hatred Is Not Healthy | How To Stop It
Criticism is a part of our nature as human beings. Self-criticism can be healthy and bring forth positive changes in you or it can be unhealthy that could lead to feeling hate for oneself.
If you’ve ever had the thought – “I hate myself” or “I knew I would fail”, you might be dealing with self-hatred.
Self-hatred is a common thing and even normal in some cases but failing to acknowledge that feeling can be unhealthy for you. As humans, we need to learn to accept all parts of ourselves – flaws and all – but also learn to control that self-hate feeling.
Self-hatred can be awful and it might lead you to believe yourself unworthy and undeserving of the things you need or want. Self-hatred can be a destructive behavior and can be triggered by socially comparing yourself to others, perfectionism, or even false expectations of others.
Symptoms of Self-Hatred
If you think you’re dealing with self-hatred, look out for these symptoms:
- Your life has terms and conditions. You might feel that failing a particular thing might result in you feeling like a complete failure.
- You keep thinking about the negative. Your day might be full of laughter and love but you will be focused on the negative things that might’ve or might not have happened.
- What you feel is a fact. When you say to yourself, “I feel like a flop” you keep thinking of yourself as a failure or flop.
- You feel like you are not good enough. You have low self-esteem and self-confidence. You feel like you are undeserving of being loved.
How Can Self-Hatred Affect You?
Self-hatred can affect your social and professional life. It can stop you from making significant decisions and achieving your goals.
1. With Self
Self-hatred can create a negative impact on your self-esteem and confidence. When you criticize yourself on a constant basis, it becomes difficult to see the positive changes.
2. At Work
At the workplace, you’re expected to make decisions and deliver results. When you feel worthless and undeserving, you lose productivity and the ability to work well with others. It may result in poor work performance.
When you’re constantly thinking about negative outcomes and self-loathing, it can be difficult to see and maintain social relationships with others. You often fear rejection and judgment that can make you uncaring toward self and others.
4. With Your Significant Other
Self-hatred can make you withdraw from the concept of intimacy and commitment. The idea that another person may see your faults and imperfections can be overpowering and can stand in the way of having a relationship.
How To Stop Self-Hatred:
1. Address your problem
The first and foremost step is to acknowledge your hate and where it is coming from. Try and identify the root cause of your feelings of self-hate. Keep and maintain a daily journal and write about your day and try to pinpoint the exact moment your self-hate was strong.
You can also try to record short memos to reflect on your day. Identify the cause of your hate and negative thoughts. Once you do that, it might become easy to work on those feelings and reduce them.
2. Ask yourself “why?”
When your self-hate pops up with comments such as “I hate myself” pause and ask yourself; why? Is it because of how you look? Or because of something you did that makes you feel unworthy?
Try to change the negative thoughts into positive ones. Tell yourself; “This is not true”. There will be times when your positive thoughts won’t always win but challenging the negative thoughts could help you combat self-hatred.
3. Assert self-talk
Self-hate stems from a lack of self-compassion. Keep and maintain a list of all the things you love about yourself and when you’re feeling self-hate, look at it and assure yourself that you are loved.
Love is a very powerful emotion and to combat self-hate, you need to learn how to love yourself first.
4. Reframe your choice of words
Reframing your negative statements and thoughts to positive ones could help with coping with self-hate effectively. For instance, instead of saying the word “hate” say “don’t like”. Whatever your word choice, try to reframe it in your mind.
This will help your negativity to not feel overpowering and suffocating. It is a small technique but very helpful.
5. Keep good company
Self-hatred can spread like wildfire. If you’re surrounded by negativity and people who spread negativity, it can leave a devastating impact on your mental health. Try to be around positive people and thoughts. People who accept you with your flaws and vulnerabilities with love and care.
Spend some time with people who are good to you and help you feel good about yourself.
6. Learn to forgive yourself
Forgiving others and yourself is an act of compassion. You need to learn that if you fail or make a mistake, it doesn’t guarantee that you are punished for it. You need to accept your mistakes and failures but also to forgive yourself for those.
7. Reach out for help, if needed
You need to understand that you are not alone. Everyone has had a moment of feeling self-hate but if those feelings are interfering with your daily life, you need to ask for help. There is no shame in asking help in learning to control and remove self-hatred.
Talk to a therapist or reach out to a loved one.
In the end, always remember to love yourself. And if you feel like you are a failure, ask yourself why? and work on it. Taking care of yourself is in your hands and if you need a little help, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Be confident. Be brave. Love yourself!