How Dating Someone Who Isn’t Your “Type” Can Be Worth It

Last Update on June 4, 2024 : Published on September 18, 2023

While finding someone to date and looking at different profiles or people, have you ever used the phrase, “They’re just not my type?”  Yes! Please let us know what you mean by not my type in the comments section. 

However, if you have no idea and have been using the phrase, don’t worry. Here, we explain what having a type means and why moving out of your comfort zone and dating someone not your type is beneficial. 

“Life has a way of surprising us with the most extraordinary people at the most unexpected times.”

Yet, without considering this fact, most people stick to the ‘type’ when searching for a partner. It’s like sticking to a favorite dish at a restaurant without exploring new flavors that might lead to a delightful surprise. Opening up to different kinds of people can lead to unexpected connections and a deeper understanding of what matters.

This article helps us understand why trying something new in dating can lead to meaningful connections and personal growth.

What Does Having a Type Mean?

In dating and relationships, having a “Type” refers to someone with specific characteristics, traits, or qualities you find attractive. These include physical appearance, personality traits, interests, values, and lifestyle. This helps find potential partners, but it’s not a strict rule. 

For example, if you like tall, well-built, fair, and witty people, you will look for these qualities in potential partners, which is called “type.” However, this set of traits is entirely subjective. The person you find appealing might be unappealing to some. 

As opposed to this, sometimes people find themselves attracted to those who are not their usual “type.” These people are open-minded and understand that meaningful connections can be formed with individuals who may not perfectly fit their predefined criteria.

Why Do We Date the Same Type?

Why Do We Date the Same Type

Like attracts like this is why we often get attracted to those with physical characteristics and personality traits that we like or can resonate with. Besides this, psychological, biological, and societal factors also draw our attention to specific types. Here, we discuss these patterns. 

1. Familiarity and Comfort:

Humans tend to get attracted to things and people they feel connected and comfortable with. A person who made us feel happy, cared for us, and was supportive, especially in our early years, influenced our choices.

This is why, when looking for a potential partner, often the traits and qualities of that person are what we look for. This familiarity makes us decide whether or not to date a person and also makes us believe that a positive experience will be enjoyed with such people. 

2. Reflecting Our Values and Interests:

Type, as explained, are people who share qualities we like. In addition, if the person shares values, interests, and lifestyles that resonate with us, a stronger sense of compatibility is created, helping create shared experiences, which are important for forming a connection.

Similar values, interests, and lifestyles create a sense of compatibility and understanding. We naturally seek out people with whom we have common ground.

3. Predictable:

Dating someone with qualities we like makes it easy to predict how they will act and react. We can expect how they will communicate, behave, and interact. This predictability can create a sense of stability in the relationship.

4. Self-Identification:

When we see similar qualities as we have in our “type,” we identify with them. This creates a sense of resonance and understanding between partners. This makes creating a bond easy, and that is why we like dating someone who is our type.

We’re often attracted to people who embody qualities or traits we identify with or aspire to have ourselves. It’s a way of seeking a reflection of our values and beliefs.

5. Learning and Growth:

Dating a familiar type provides opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. When we date someone with the same preferences, qualities, and attributes, we see where to improve and how to set boundaries.

Also, it helps us understand what we value in a partner and what makes a person dislike the other. 

6. Unconscious Patterns:

Sometimes, the attraction towards a person is influenced by unconscious patterns formed through past experiences, family dynamics, or societal influences. Also, there is a possibility that we meet someone and like the person during childhood, and that impression makes us find the same characteristics in future partners.

Our attractions can be influenced by unconscious patterns formed through past experiences, familial relationships, or societal influences. These patterns can shape our preferences without us even realizing it.

7. Biological Factors:

Sometimes, certain biological factors, like pheromones and physical traits, influence attraction. Our RAS is wired with ancient learning, so we are drawn to health, fertility, and compatibility characteristics.

8. Social and Cultural Influences:

Society and culture play a significant role in shaping our ideals of attractiveness. Media, in particular, can influence our perception of what is desirable in a partner. Romantic movies play an important role in making us frame a picture of a potential partner and what we look for in the partner.

9. Personal Experiences:

Positive personal experiences with individuals play an essential role in forming likeability for a type and disliking others. When we see a person possessing certain traits or qualities with which we can associate and have had a positive experience, we get attracted to those attributes.

In contrast, when we have negative experiences with a person with some specific traits, we avoid these types and never consider them as potential partners. 

10. Psychological Compatibility:

We’re often attracted to people who complement our psychological makeup. For example, introverted people might be drawn to someone more extroverted to balance their dynamic.

In addition, natural chemistry and connection also attract us to particular people. Though this cannot be explained or quantified, it is a feeling with which one can resonate and have a mutual understanding.

The Beauty of Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone – Why Is It Important to Break the Cycle?

Attraction is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, but this doesn’t mean we create a block in our mind that we cannot like anyone outside the set parameters. Understanding why we get attracted to some and despise others provides insights. But it also helps to understand that having an open mind and a willingness to connect with those who don’t share similar values will help us explore the unexplored world.

There are several stories where people took a chance on someone outside their usual “type” and were rewarded with enriching experiences and a developing a lifetime bond. These experiences are essential for growth and connection. 

Discovering New Perspectives

One of the greatest gifts of dating beyond your usual type is the opportunity to expand your horizons. Engaging with someone with different backgrounds, interests, and perspectives challenges your preconceptions and helps grow your personality. It’s through these diverse interactions that we learn and evolve as individuals.

Building Stronger Connections

Dating someone not your typical “type,” helps build deeper emotional connections. When you meet someone who you never expected to meet and try to know that person, you go above and beyond, allowing for a greater understanding of what truly matters in a relationship. Shared values, trust, and mutual respect are often considered the cornerstone for forming lasting partnerships.

Still, over time, attraction fades, which is not the case when you are attracted to someone who is not your type because there is always something new about them that keeps the spark alive. 

Embracing the Unexpected

Today, life has become so busy that we don’t have time to spend with others just to know them. This is why we pick the shorter router of selecting a partner who fits the patterns we like. However, when we seek familiarity and dismiss those who don’t fit our predefined notions of the perfect partner, we miss out on opportunities that knock on our door.

Love and connection often defy our expectations. Hence, we should keep our hearts open for those who are our “type.” This not only opens the door to unique experiences and personal growth, but you never know if the perfect person for you is outside the parameters you have set. 

Broadened Perspectives:

Being with someone different brings you face-to-face to new ideas, perspectives, and experiences you might not have encountered otherwise. This helps broaden how you look at things and how you behave, making you grow personally and professionally.

Personal Growth:

Stepping outside your comfort zone challenges you to adapt, learn, and develop new aspects of yourself that you may not have discovered otherwise. This helps you understand what it is that you need to improve, and you start to pay attention to yourself more. 

Enhanced Communication Skills:

Interacting with someone who thinks differently improves your communication skills and encourages you to be more open-minded.

Breaking Unhealthy Patterns:

If looking for a type and dating your type has always broken your heart, and you have witnessed unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships, dating someone different can be refreshing and potentially lead to healthier dynamics.

Learning About Compatibility:

When dating someone who is not your type, you can understand what truly matters in a relationship beyond initial attraction, focusing on values, shared interests, and mutual respect.

Discovering Unexpected Common Ground:

Sometimes, seemingly different people can have surprising compatibility regarding values, communication styles, and long-term goals. Also, being with someone who doesn’t fit your parameters challenges any stereotypes you may hold about what makes a compatible partner.

Avoiding Redundancy:

Dating similar people repeatedly might seem boring and redundant. This makes you lose interest in the person and yourself. However, when you explore new types of people, it leads to more dynamic and fulfilling relationships.

Finding Unexpected Chemistry:

Attraction isn’t always immediate. Sometimes, deeper connections can develop over time, even if the initial attraction isn’t what you might have expected. Also, when you expand your social circle, you start learning things differently; this broadens your friend circle and allows you to explore chemistry equations. 

Dating someone who is not your type might seem uncomfortable, but if you are looking for a way to explore yourself, you should give it a try. When you can create connections with people you consider not a good fit, they help you understand your blocks and open unexpected possibilities that you were unable to explore as you were limiting yourself. 

Is it Bad to Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type?

Dating a familiar type is natural as you feel comfortable and get a sense of security. But when you limit yourself to a type, you intentionally limit chances to meet new people and develop new connections. This is why you should never constrain yourself and stop exploring different connections. 

Stepping out of your comfort zone helps you understand what you miss. Also, it helps develop new and enriching experiences and leads to discovering qualities in a partner we hadn’t considered before. 

Love and connection can often surprise us when we least expect it.

Can Someone Be Attractive But Not Your Type?

Attraction is multifaceted. You get attracted to someone sometimes because of their physical appearance, sometimes because of their behavior, and sometimes intellect. Therefore, when you find someone who is attractive but does not align with our predefined “type” , never ignore the possibility of creating a connection. Having compatibility in values, shared interests, and emotional connection is good but you can’t ignore the physical attraction. So, explore the connection beyond the surface; you never know if it can lead to unexpected and deeply fulfilling relationships.

Remember, you can be attracted to anyone even when they don’t align with your personal “type.” Therefore, when you feel attracted to someone who does not share similar characteristics, values, personality, interests, and other non-physical attributes, don’t stop yourself from trying it.

You might find someone physically attractive, but they don’t align with what you want in a partner. While there can be someone who isn’t attractive, you can create a strong connection. So always keep your mind open. 

Attraction is subjective and can manifest in various ways for different people. 

Should I Date Someone I’m Not Attracted To?

It is crucial to differentiate between understanding with whom you can have a long-term relationship, and it is just an attraction. While the initial sparks and physical attractions cannot be dismissed, they should never be the basis for pursuing a relationship.

Taking time to understand the person deeper will open up the layers of attractiveness you could not initially see. Give someone and yourself a chance; the most meaningful connections can develop over time.

Finding Unexpected Treasures in Unpredictable Path

Sometimes, the most extraordinary connections come from the most unexpected places. So, when searching for a partner or considering going on a date, try everyone. Even if the person doesn’t fit in your type parameter, give a person a change. You never know if you can discover something beautiful and transformative.

Love knows no bounds in matters of the heart. Embracing the idea of dating someone who isn’t your usual “type” might be discomforting, but unless you give it a chance, you will never know what you might be missing and what might delight you. If you keep eating one type of food, you will never know what other flavors and cuisines are there.

You can only understand what you want when you explore all the avenues. Therefore, stop limiting yourself, focus on creating genuine connections, and share moments that truly matter. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. You might just find something extraordinary in the most unexpected of places.

About The Author

Ayush Yadav
Ayush Yadav

Aayush is a writer, and storyteller who is passionate about using words to help drive positive change and make people aware about the history. He holds a bachelor's in law, lives in the princely state Jaipur and is passionate about helping people in anyway possible. In his spare time, he is usually out with friends and enjoys exploring different facets of life.

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