How To Stop Being A Doormat Personality | Think And Work On It

Last Update on May 24, 2022 : Published on November 11, 2020
Time For You To Stop Being A Doormat Personality

Doormat personality can sound like a demeaning term to many. But in the time where we are all busy pleasing those around us, it is important to make sure that we don’t turn ourselves into
being a doormat. letting everyone walk over us at the cost of our happiness.

To start with let us check these red flags of being a doormat personality. If you can relate with even one of them you should continue reading it further and find out ways to Stop Being A Doormat Personality!

It often happens that despite being kind to everyone around you. You still do not enjoy that good feeling associated with it.


After saying a “yes,” to someone and being there for them does not give you that pop of happiness.


When you are nice to someone you feel worse than being happy.

Well, if you can relate to what I just said then it is time to reconsider your “being nice” or “being generous” guidelines. Because you might be too close to jumping on the other side of being too kind, being too generous, being too nice, and always being there for others.

Also Read: Best Self Care Activity Ideas for Mental Health

Personally, that’s not a good side to be on. As, if not being taken care of at the right time it might lead to doormat personality.

What Is A Doormat Personality?

The concept behind the doormat personality is very simple. Have you ever seen a doormat? We all just walk upon it, use it, it helps us keep our house tidy, but do we ever thank it? NO!

Similarly, your personality becomes a doormat, people will come, make use of your qualities, inner capabilities, without being thankful. Which takes a toll on your overall wellness. That is why it becomes important to reconsider our boundaries and start valuing ourselves.

But, for this to happen you have to take one step at a time. Therefore, the write is divided into three sections:

  • STOP: The Red Flags (Are You A Doormat Personality?)
  • THINK: The Yellow Flags (Why You Should Not Be Treated Like A Doormat?)
  • ACTION: The Green Flags (How to Stop Being A Doormat)

STOP: The Red Flags (Are You A Doormat Personality?)

So, we shall start by identifying the 5 red flags that will help you identify if you are being treated like a doormat. These signs are:

Sign1: You can’t deny others for their needs and demands. Because you might think that it is rude.

Sign 2: You are often being contacted by other people when they need you.

Sign 3: You are barely being appreciated for your efforts of helping others.

Sign 4: Either the favors are not returned or even the expressions of gratefulness goes missing (that’s why it is called people walk over you)

Sign 5: You don’t feel good or happy or respected or enjoy helping and dedicating your time with others.

The more the “yes” responses the higher the chances of you being treated like a doormat by others!

[ Also Read: RAIN- Mindfulness Tool to Deal With Your Overwhelming Emotions]

If you find responding to these signs overwhelming then here we are suggesting you some questions that will make you rethink your boundaries.

So, here are the questions for you to ask:

  • Am I happy with my choices?
  • Do I feel taken advantage of or taken for granted?
  • Do I feel guilt at saying no?
  • Am I afraid to speak up?

Now that you have a clearer picture of where you stand on the scale of being a doormat personality let us quickly see the causes underlying the same.

Factors Leading To Being A Doormat Personality

So far two causes are found to be closely linked with giving rise to a doormat personality. This includes:

1. Childhood Factors:

One thing that we learn during our upbringing is that the only way to feel valuable is to comply with others’ demands, give others what they need, and “go with the flow.” We consciously or subconsciously just continue with this behavior and thought pattern in our lives. This results in being a doormat personality

2. Reward System:

If a person receives a reward in the first place by complying with others’ needs and demands they choose to continue this. This gives them a feeling of happiness in the short-term. But, in the long run, it may flip to the opposite side.

Watch our full webinar on this theme here:

THINK: The Yellow Flags (Why You Should Not Be Treated Like A Doormat?)

But, what’s wrong with being there for others? Well, we aren’t suggesting that you shouldn’t be kind and generous to others. We are just asking you to take care of your needs as well. The reason behind the same lies on the negative side that it has to offer.

These are the reasons why being a Doormat Personality is a matter of concern!

1. The Emotion of Fear:

You avoid confrontation as you give in due to fear. That’s why even when you are doing something for the greater good you will feel that you are compromising.

2. Loss of Self-esteem:

All though you enjoy being a “doer,” “take-charger,” “derive pleasure from this’ ‘ but it still tempers your self-esteem.

Also Read: A Guide to Boost Your Self-Esteem Like Never Before

3. Reduced Confidence:

It will make you feel powerless, shaking your confidence

4. Being Passive-aggressive:

You might find yourself being passive-aggressive. Because of constantly focusing on what other people want you might stop focusing on what you need.

5. Experience Burnout:

It further induces a feeling of burnout as you are always standing on the giver/doer side and barely or never on the receiver side.

ACTION: The Green Flags (How to Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat)

If you can relate to the red flags presented above and are considerate about the yellow flags, then let us quickly focus on the green flags that are available for our rescue! These green flags are 4 robust ways that will help you to stop being a doormat.

Green Flag 1: Focus on yourself and build on your emotional energy: Refill your tank

While we are busy focusing and fueling the needs and demands of others, we often forget to fuel ourselves with emotional and spiritual “good stuff”. One can meet some of these needs on their own by engaging in different self-care activities such as exercise, prayer, singing, or meditation.

Some needs are fulfilled through relationships with others. This could include a hug, someone saying “thank you” or validating your feelings.

Also Read: How to Deal With Negative Comments Mindfully

So, make sure that you are ref-fueling your emotional and spiritual tank while you’re giving (or letting people take) from you. Because if you don’t you might end up feeling exhausted and resentful.

After all, even science says, it is not sustainable to expend energy and not replenish it.

Green Flag 2: Bring out your assertive self (confrontation)

Fear is the emotion on which doormat personality issues majorly feed on. The best tool that hits in the face of assertiveness is Assertiveness.

We suggest you stick with the classy and simple assertiveness communication code.

Here is what it talks about:

  • Use “I” statements. It helps you to convey your needs clearly and directly. Plus, it shows that you take responsibility for situations and outcomes in your life.
  • Say “No.” It will help you set boundaries and allow you to make time for your needs.
  • Be clear. Running around the bush won’t help, be clear with your needs.
  • Have confidence. Don’t double guess your decisions, be confident while conveying them.
  • Stay calm. Remember, you don’t want aggression to take over so do stay calm!

Green Flag 3: Replace your apologies with gratitude

Sorry initiate’s shame, it tells that you are at fault. On the other hand, thank you initiates gratitude and makes you feel more confident about yourself.

If are wondering how to make this happen check this post:


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Green Flag 4: Stand up for yourself.

When all the other flags will come into play, you will eventually notice a huge difference in yourself.

Remember: You deserve better and you have to FLY: First love yourself because HAPPY starts with YOU!

PS: Make sure you are not treating anyone like a doormat! So, be grateful! Nothing better than that can make it happen.

We are sharing wallpapers with you, that will work as a great reminder for you on your journey of not being a doormat.

Calmsage iphone wallapers 1
Calmsage Mobile wallapers 2

Thank you for reading!

About The Author

Anjali Singh
Anjali Singh

Anjali Singh is a content curator in the field of Mental Health. She is currently done Ph.D. in Psychology. Her aim is to light up the world with positive vibes through her words, her idea of life is ‘Grow through what you go through’. Apart from this, she is a big-time pet lover.


  1. Kerin

    This is some good piece of information to value yourself

  2. Sherri White
    Sherri White

    I wander all the time whether I am being too kind and often overlooked. I came searching forrr goodadvice and healthy tips. Thanks for sharing.

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