My Mom Hates Me : What To Do When You Feel Your Parent Hates You
I know the feeling when you are hated by someone and when it’s your mother, it feels specifically terrible. Learning about why my mom hates me can be tricky and it might be really difficult to address this issue.
Well, according to me, no mom can hate their kid; there are other conflicts and factors too that cause stress in the mother and child relationship.
Hence, hate can’t be the reason behind this…relax! Furthermore, looking towards the solution, first of all, stop victimizing yourself. Understand that the mom-and-child relationship is crucial and hard to understand. Therefore, you might need help to strengthen your relationship with your mom again.
Feel Like Your Mom Hates You? Don’t Wait, Let’s Talk.
This blog will help you to understand feelings, identify feelings, along with solutions to strengthen your bond with your mom.
10 Things to Do When You Feel “My Mom Hates Me”
1. Identify Your Thoughts
In order to reach for a solution, try to identify the reason behind this behavior. Take a piece of paper and pen and write down your feelings. Ask yourself questions and try to look for the answer on your own. Try to identify, “why does mom hate you?” Understanding the roots of the cause can help you learn about this hatred behavior.
Try to find if this is a general thought or feeling or maybe you both got into a heated discussion during which she pretended to hate you, or maybe she forgot to tell you something important (which caused you to think like this). Or maybe you feel like your mom loves your sibling more than you.
Or maybe it’s all in your mind. Whatever is the case, just try to find the root cause and I personally feel that half of the problems will be solved there only.
Furthermore, it can be something related to your mother’s actions or behaviors that you personally don’t like. Try harder and write down your feelings.
2. Manage Your Expectations and Get In Sync
We are all human beings and we all have expectations from each other. And when it comes to mom, we expect her to love us beyond expectations.
However, we need to understand that she needs some space, she is always multitasking, and she is always working and taking care of ourselves. Yes, she loves you more than anything, but mothers have a different way of showing their love and expectations.
Think about a situation wherein you love something and your mother certainly does not enjoy that thing. Sometimes, she still does it in her unique way…way different than others!
Remember, when you fell down for the first time and instead of picking you up…she forced you to bounce back on your own. There can be various situations and I think hate comes in the end! Therefore, try to manage your expectations, understand your mother’s feelings, and get into sync with her.
3. Try to Put Your Feet in Your Mother’s Shoes
We cannot deny the fact that sometimes we react to a situation that has nothing to do with us. But, we feel like it is related to us, that’s called personalization. Personalization is a kind of cognitive distortion. Personalization is a situation wherein you feel like the situation belongs to you and it’s your entire fault. In this, you start blaming yourself for the things you didn’t do or couldn’t control.
Now, just think about your mom’s concerns… maybe she lost her job in the pandemic or maybe she is tired, maybe she needs someone to understand her, or maybe she is having a bad day at work or some. Isn’t it fair to simply forgive her for her actions, behaviors, or words?
Speaking from your side, it is completely okay to be upset; sometimes your reactions and emotions are also valid. But, do not overlook the situation and try to comfort or help your mother (remember, it has nothing to do with you). Everyone experiences bad days and tries to understand your mother.
PS: If your mother is abusive, it is not acceptable. Scroll down to see what to do in abusive situations.
4. Communicate about Your Feelings and Needs
I am constantly writing in my blogs that communication is the key. Communication resolves conflicts, confusions, heated moments, and whatnot. Communication is the best way to resolve problems between you and your mother. If your mother is not aware of your situation, you can resolve it by letting her know about your feelings and needs.
If you have made up your mind to communicate with your mother, make sure you pick the time according to both of you specifically when you both relatively are in a calm situation. Do not pick the time when your mother is doing something or getting ready for work.
5. Try to Spend Some Quality Time
Once you’re done with the conversations… try to spend some quality time with your mother. If you think that your mother does not have time for you… you can try dividing the chores and help her with household work.
Try to be there with your mom, try to take care of your mother, ask her if she needs anything, make coffee for her, or plan a spa with your mother. I think planning a spa day with your mother is the best idea to spend quality time with each other.
In case, your mother does not have time for you, it definitely does not mean that she hates you. Voice up your feelings and help her to realize that you really need to spend time with your mother. Convince your mom for “mom-date” and plan according to her! You can play games, go swimming, cycling, or fishing together.
6. Show Some Gratitude
Most of the time, we tend to focus on the negative (chill, it’s the part of human nature). Do not overlook the situation and do not forget to express gratitude towards your mother.
Try to shift your focus on positive things. A little exercise for improving the bond, try to list ten things you feel good about and about your mother. In this way, express gratitude towards your mother.
You can also think about a favorite memory with your mother. Do not forget to share your memories and gratitude with her. Just simply say thanks to your mother and have a little conversation about positivity, motherhood, and gratitude. If your relationship with your mom is more complicated, gratitude can help dissolve long-term conflicts.
7. Get Proper Help (In Case of Abuse)
If the relationship with your mom is abusive, understand that it is totally unacceptable. Abuse and domestic violence manifest more harmful behaviors. If you are or have been a victim of any type of abuse, first of all, understand that it is not your fault and do not blame yourself for the deeds.
Additionally, there is a huge difference between abuse and normal disagreements. Red flags are yelling, humiliating, isolating, frequent beating, and other abusive behaviors. In case, you feel hated by your mother because of these situations, you might need professional help.
You really need to fix the toxic and abusive relationship between you and your mother. It might feel difficult to understand from where to begin. You can click here to connect with a certified mental health provider.
8. Seek Support When Required
You can also seek the support of someone you trust or your teacher, or your friend. Remember that it is always helpful to reach out for help when required.
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness and seeking support is incredible for the healing process. You can also connect with a mental health professional from here.
9. Distance Yourself from your Mother
If you have already tried to convey your feelings to your mother and if it did not result positively, start distancing yourself from your mother before it starts getting worse. If she is using emotional abuse on you, you should take this important step. It will protect your overall well-being. Distancing yourself from your mother will help your mom in understanding your feelings and needs.
If you want, you can also move out from your mother’s mom. Proper distancing will result in limited voice and limited contact. It will help your mom in understanding your needs, feelings, and emotions.
10. Take a break and try deep breathing
Your mom’s hatred towards you could be really exhausting and mentally challenging. In such hard times, try to take a small break and perform some deep breathing exercises so that you can cope with negative thoughts and sadness. deep breathing exercises improve cognitive functioning and anxiety.
If you’re new to deep breathing exercises, you can watch some videos on YouTube or join any program nearby or virtually. Always keep this technique handy, as it comes with great benefits in such hard times. Even when you feel to express your feelings, just try this technique for 2-minutes and then sit down to talk.
When I say take a break, you can simply try walking away from such negative situations. It will help you in gaining some clarity.
I hope this blog helps you to strengthen the bond with your mom again. For more such content, follow Calm Sage on all social media platforms.
Thanks for reading.
More power to you!