Are You Needy In Relationships? Signs To Watch, Causes, And How To Stop Being Needy

Last Update on April 18, 2022 : Published on April 18, 2022
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Do you constantly crave your partner’s attention, assurance, and affection? Have you ever been called “clingy” by past partners or your current partner? While you might not feel like it, being “too needy” can affect your relationship – and not in a good way.

It’s OK to demand or ask for your partner to tell or show their affection towards you. Your love language and your partner’s love language can play a huge role. However, being too demanding can be translated into being too needy in relationships.

Asking for too much, more than what your partner is giving can turn unhealthy and negatively affect your relationship. A healthy relationship can make you feel good about yourself but it shouldn’t come at the cost of demanding too much or being too needy.

Did you know that being too needy in relationships can increase jealousy and the risk of stress? It can make your partner feel suffocated and cause you to feel a loss of self-identity.

Loving (and needing) your partner is a good thing but overdoing it can be harmful. In this article, let’s take a look at what it means to be needy in relationships, the signs to watch out for, the causes of neediness, and how to cope with being needy.

What Does It Mean To Be Needy?

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When we talk about someone being needy in relationships, it can more or less depend on their personalities, cultures, backgrounds, and more such factors. Also, what may look like “needy behavior” to you, might mean normal behavior to your partner or vice versa. So when approaching this topic, it is advised to reserve judgment and be compassionate.

Being needy can be defined as; someone who becomes too attached to another person and depends on them too much for assurance, affection, and attention.

Also, as I mentioned earlier, it can depend on your love language. If your love language is not physical touch (but your partner’s is) then you may translate your partner’s physical affection or declaration of affection as needy. Or vice versa.

Of course, it also depends on your (or your partner’s) emotional needs in a relationship.

Signs You’re Being Too Needy In Relationships

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Here are signs to watch out for when you’re questioning your neediness in relationships:

  1. You’re starting to lose self-identity
  2. Overreactions are becoming more and more common during arguments
  3. There’s a continuous push for conversations (via text, calls, or social media)
  4. There’s jealousy without cause
  5. Spending every waking moment with each other
  6. Persistently seeking affirmations or reassurances
  7. Feeling anger and depressive-like feelings when not together
  8. There’s a pessimistic outlook toward the relationship
  9. The inability to take criticism, even constructively
  10. Moving too fast or getting attached too quickly

Now, if you’re asking yourself, “Am I needy in relationships?” ask yourself these questions:

  • Is there a similar behavioral pattern in all my relationships or is it just this once?
  • Has there been a significant life change that’s made me feel insecure lately?
  • Is my partner an emotionally detached person?
  • Has there been infidelit yor manipulative behavior in the relationship?
  • Am I just lonely? Can I imagine my future without them?

Attachment styles and expectations from a relationship can also lead someone to become needy in relationships. For example, if you’re an emotionally expressive person but your partner isn’t then to them, your emotions may feel overwhelming.

What Causes Neediness?

Neediness is not an official diagnosis but is a general term that can describe clinginess or attention-seeking behavior. Such behaviors are often psychologically rooted and can be explained in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Other reasons why some people may show such behaviors can also include:

For an official diagnosis, please consult a mental health professional. Only a licensed and trained professional can make a diagnosis.

How To Stop Being Needy In Relationships?

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1.If your partner’s needy:

It’s OK to have different relationship styles but the important thing is to talk about your and your partner’s expectations beforehand. Talking about the emotional needs in the relationship can help set boundaries as well.

Also, others may be labeled as needy in relationships because of unresolved childhood emotional trauma. So as a supportive partner, you need to understand their need to be needy. Remember to be empathetic towards your partner.

If you or your partner are struggling with some challenges in your personal lives then talk about them or encourage your partner to talk to you about them. Avoid judgment during your talks.

2. If you’re being needy:

If you find yourself being too needy in relationships, then understanding where this behavior stems from can help you work through them. A mental health professional can help here. You can also try strategies such as:

  • Practicing self-compassion
  • Practicing assertive communication
  • Setting healthy personal boundaries
  • Accepting your strengths
  • Participating in empowering activities
  • Handling challenging situations
  • Adopting positive and loving self-talk
  • Learning skills that make you feel self-sufficient
  • Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people
  • Identifying unhealthy behavior in relationships

Seek Counseling

When you or your partner display neediness in relationships, seeking couples counseling can help. Talking to a professional counselor can help you understand where the neediness is coming from, how it is affecting your relationships, and how to move forward with communication.

Even individual counseling can help you get to the root of your neediness and help you come up with skills and coping strategies to move forward in the relationship and communicate with your partner.

Being needy in a relationship isn’t exactly a harmful thing but many people may not understand what being needy in relationships mean. What you may consider needy, might be considered normal by others. It all depends on your perception, background, culture, personality traits, and other factors.

In some cases, being a needy person in a relationship can be a sign of unaddressed emotional trauma or unmet emotional needs. If that is the case, then talking to a professional mental health counselor can help.

Don’t let your unmet emotional needs or past emotional wounds interfere with your healthy, happy, and loving relationship.

I hope this article helped you understand what it means to be needy in relationships, the signs of a needy person, and how to stop being needy in relationships. For more, you can write to us at info@calmsage.com or DM us on social media.

You can also share your thoughts in the comments section below. Share this article with your friends and family and don’t forget to give us a thumbs-up.

Take Care!

About The Author

Swarnakshi Sharma

Swarnakshi is a content writer at Calm sage, who believes in a healthier lifestyle for mind and body. A fighter and survivor of depression, she strives to reach and help spread awareness on ending the stigma surrounding mental health issues. A spiritual person at heart, she believes in destiny and the power of Self. She is an avid reader and writer and likes to spend her free time baking and learning about world cultures.

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